Still struggling.

[Socratic Meth Head]

It doesn't sound silly at all. Thank you for sharing it with us. I think it helps a lot to talk these things through, and you've hopefully seen this forum is very supportive and understanding.

I've been through extreme anxiety myself, so I can certainly relate to that. I know how horrible it can be. I had it so bad it crippled me, I was unable to do anything at times at all because I was convinced something bad would happen. I didn't even know what, just "something bad". As logical as I am, overwhelming emotions could overrule it easily.

In your case religion has made this so much worse by giving you specific things to be anxious about. Christianity is a total mindfuck, and designed to make you doubt and loathe yourself. It breaks your leg, then sells you a crutch as Don Baker on the Atheist a Experience likes to say.

It is really good that the rational part of you can see all of what is happening for what it is, even when your brain is tormenting itself with all these terrible thoughts.

I would hope your parents would be able to put aside their religious convictions and support you through this, by recognising how much harder the religious doubt is making your OCD. They needn't "agree" with you about your atheism, just to care about you, and what you need to do to get better.

Thanks so much for your understanding. Whenever I tell people this, usually they call me gay or homophobic.
Mom always told me atheist are a grumpy, horrible group of people with no morals. You all seem to have more morals than any religious person I know.