It doesn't sound silly to me at all.
I have been diagnosed with extremely mild OCPD, which isn't the same as OCD, but some of the manifestations can be similar.
You have to practice allowing yourself to be unsure. It's okay to not make a yes or no, black or white, dichotomous decision about everything. Finding a man attractive wouldn't mean anything other than that you are human. I see men I find attractive all the time, and I identify as straight. People are good looking, that would be normal.
If you are still caught in the clutches of your indoctrination, then the best advice I can give is to come up with some sort of thought stopper that lets you off the hook. Be a neutral observer for 6 months. You are neither theist or atheist. You are assessing the situation. Write a journal, if it helps. Make a list of all of the things that are convincing to you on either side of the argument. Then look for corroborating evidence. Let no one---atheist or theist---tell you what to believe. The only way you are going to convince yourself that the doubts you have are okay is to practice allowing yourself to have doubts and see them through. Stop beating yourself up for doubting anything. That's skepticism, and that, to me, is the most healthy of brain states.
You will get there. Hell, you might re-discover god in your search. That would be okay, too. You'll be welcome here to vent just the same. You, Kingpin, and Catholic_Lady can share the terrarium we keep the theists we like in.
I have been diagnosed with extremely mild OCPD, which isn't the same as OCD, but some of the manifestations can be similar.
You have to practice allowing yourself to be unsure. It's okay to not make a yes or no, black or white, dichotomous decision about everything. Finding a man attractive wouldn't mean anything other than that you are human. I see men I find attractive all the time, and I identify as straight. People are good looking, that would be normal.
If you are still caught in the clutches of your indoctrination, then the best advice I can give is to come up with some sort of thought stopper that lets you off the hook. Be a neutral observer for 6 months. You are neither theist or atheist. You are assessing the situation. Write a journal, if it helps. Make a list of all of the things that are convincing to you on either side of the argument. Then look for corroborating evidence. Let no one---atheist or theist---tell you what to believe. The only way you are going to convince yourself that the doubts you have are okay is to practice allowing yourself to have doubts and see them through. Stop beating yourself up for doubting anything. That's skepticism, and that, to me, is the most healthy of brain states.
You will get there. Hell, you might re-discover god in your search. That would be okay, too. You'll be welcome here to vent just the same. You, Kingpin, and Catholic_Lady can share the terrarium we keep the theists we like in.
"There remain four irreducible objections to religious faith: that it wholly misrepresents the origins of man and the cosmos, that because of this original error it manages to combine the maximum servility with the maximum of solipsism, that it is both the result and the cause of dangerous sexual repression, and that it is ultimately grounded on wish-thinking." ~Christopher Hitchens, god is not Great
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PM me your email address to join the Slack chat! I'll give you a taco(or five) if you join! --->There's an app and everything!<---
