Still struggling.

[KevinM1]

Okay, I was playing a game and I got some RNG loot or whatever and jokingly/sarcastically I said "Alright god, make this one good." and I spun it and I got one of the rarest items in the entire game! I was blown away and I tried to reason it out saying its just chance but I couldn't and now my OCD is feeding off of it. I say its just chance and that if I didn't say that I would get the exact same thing but my OCD is just like "Nope bro thats god" and I can't stop doubting. I was debating on whether or not to post this because it sounds fucking ridiculous to me.

RNG is exactly that.  Random.  Do a google search on RNG and how they work.

Coincidences happen.  For every person that says "okay, god, do it" that gets a good item, or escapes a plane crash, or wins the lottery, or whatever else, there are dozens to millions in the same circumstance that don't.  There's no rhyme or reason to it.  Some people are firm in their belief, some people not.  Some are old, some are young.  Some are rich, some are poor.  They're of all races and genders and orientation.

Like the link I posted before said, our brains are wired to see patterns everywhere, even when no patterns exist.  Exacerbating this is the cultural annoyance of people ascribing meaning to patterns.  Sometimes, shit just happens.  

I play a MMO, and good endgame loot is very RNG driven.  In the game I play (Final Fantasy X|V), there's a quest chain that gives you an Anima Weapon which can only be obtained by getting 18 particular crystals at the end of a particular kind of open world battle (3 crystals from 6 different locations).  I got the first 7-8 crystals in about 4-5 hours.  The last two crystals?  Took about 12 hours.  It wasn't due to anything I did, and the game doesn't have a sliding scale when it comes to granting them.  I just went from having fairly good roles of the dice to really shitty roles.

You also may benefit from thinking about things in reverse:

The universe is vast.  There are billions of stars in each galaxy, and billions of visible galaxies.  Even if there's only one sentient species per galaxy, that's still billions of them.  Why would god need to create all that if we're the chosen ones?  Why not make the known universe small?  Why waste so much material and energy on things that, if we are the chosen ones, don't really matter?  And how or why would god give a shit about any of us when, cosmically speaking, we're less significant than a grain of sand on the beach?

Like Neil deGrasse Tyson said recently - if the cosmic timeline is represented by a football field (this was tweeted out during the Super Bowl), humans fill up about a blade of short cut grass.  We're just barely (cosmically) done crawling out of the mud, but we're going to let a bunch of ancient Middle Eastern peasants dictate how the cosmos was formed, or what morality is, or, really, anything?  End the conversation and keep us at that level?  That's logical?  No, I don't think so.

My recommendation is that in addition to whatever books you may get that help deconstruct Christianity, you also try learning about basic biology, physics, astronomy, and computer science.  It's good information to have, regardless, but you'll actually get a real look at existence that way, which will also help you break the shackles of superstition.  To quote Mortal Kombat's Raiden (who likely stole it from someone else, that crafty jerk) "There's no knowledge that is not power."  And that's exactly why religion tries to keep its adherents dumb.