RE: Still struggling.
February 21, 2016 at 5:04 pm
(This post was last modified: February 21, 2016 at 5:08 pm by MTL.)
Forgive me,
I have a bit of a headache at the moment and don't have the energy to catch up on this thread, properly,
so it's possible I may have missed something,
but just from skimming the recent posts, I want to say this:
General Dog, I don't know how old you are or what your level of dependency is, upon your parents,
and I don't wish to give online advice to an anonymous minor to defy their parents;
however, I can tell you that I am a 40 year old woman who was raised in a devout Baptist home,
and I am now Agnostic and Anti-Theism.
The process of rebelling against my family took decades and continued well past the point where I was an independent adult, however
....because I allowed it to.
I also want to note:
If I could go back and do it over,
I would be wiser about how I went about it.
Because the arguments were so emotional and intense, it damaged the family unit,
instead of simply serving the purpose of getting the family to respect my beliefs (or lack thereof)
and stop trying to control me.
I can tell you this:
If I could go back and do it over again,
this is what I would do differently:
1. I WOULD STAY CALM.
All the rebellion and anger and tears only made me look like a teenager not to be taken seriously.
In fact, if I could go back in time,
I would wisely just do as they asked, obediently,
with no looks, no eyerolls, no comments or arguments...
....and saved myself a lot of futile arguments and tears.
I would have gone to church.
I would have bowed my head at the dinner table.
I would have said Grace if they asked me to.
No arguments whatsoever...I would just let them think that I shared their beliefs.
And then,
once I was an independent adult,
with my own income, my own place, etc,
I would have simply stopped cold,
and when they seemed surprised
I would say,
"Oh, I became an Atheist years ago,
but I realized you would never have given me any peace if I said so,
so I just went through the motions, to pacify you;
...but now I'm an adult.
I am happy to visit with you and have a relationship with you,
and I respect your right to believe what you want,
but I insist that respect my rights, too,
without being hinted-at, nagged, harassed, bullied, etc. "
2. And then, when they kept trying to re-open the subject,
I would have simply stopped them and said this:
" Ok, look: What is it, exactly, that you think you're accomplishing?
I am already very well-acquainted with all your beliefs;
You are flogging a dead horse!
I already know what you believe, and I know why you believe it!!
Repeating it is not going to change anything.
I respect your right to believe what you want,
but for some reason, that is not enough for you.
It is apparently really important to you that I believe the same thing you do.
So consider this:
You believe that Jesus gave YOU the choice and free will to accept Him as your Saviour....right?
But at some point,
you seem to have forgotten that Jesus did NOT give you the right to make the same choice,
ON MY BEHALF.
Whether I am your child, or not,
my soul is my own, to do with as I please,
and I would think that you would hesitate to take it upon yourself
to take from me, the choice that you, yourself believe
Jesus died on the cross, to give me!!
So step off, already.
Do you really think Jesus wants my allegiance
only because you nagged, bullied, and brainwashed me, into it?
And besides which....do you even realize the message that sends, about your lack of faith?
I mean, why don't you just leave it in God's hands?
Pray all you want for my soul,
but don't let me detect ANY TRACE of pressure from you,
...or I will simply leave, any time I feel my beliefs, or lack thereof, are not being fully respected.
So, once and for all: I consider this subject closed. "
....And then I would have made good on my promise, if they tried to reopen it, again.
No more discussions, no more arguments...I'd just leave.
Eventually they'd get the idea.
I have a bit of a headache at the moment and don't have the energy to catch up on this thread, properly,
so it's possible I may have missed something,
but just from skimming the recent posts, I want to say this:
General Dog, I don't know how old you are or what your level of dependency is, upon your parents,
and I don't wish to give online advice to an anonymous minor to defy their parents;
however, I can tell you that I am a 40 year old woman who was raised in a devout Baptist home,
and I am now Agnostic and Anti-Theism.
The process of rebelling against my family took decades and continued well past the point where I was an independent adult, however
....because I allowed it to.
I also want to note:
If I could go back and do it over,
I would be wiser about how I went about it.
Because the arguments were so emotional and intense, it damaged the family unit,
instead of simply serving the purpose of getting the family to respect my beliefs (or lack thereof)
and stop trying to control me.
I can tell you this:
If I could go back and do it over again,
this is what I would do differently:
1. I WOULD STAY CALM.
All the rebellion and anger and tears only made me look like a teenager not to be taken seriously.
In fact, if I could go back in time,
I would wisely just do as they asked, obediently,
with no looks, no eyerolls, no comments or arguments...
....and saved myself a lot of futile arguments and tears.
I would have gone to church.
I would have bowed my head at the dinner table.
I would have said Grace if they asked me to.
No arguments whatsoever...I would just let them think that I shared their beliefs.
And then,
once I was an independent adult,
with my own income, my own place, etc,
I would have simply stopped cold,
and when they seemed surprised
I would say,
"Oh, I became an Atheist years ago,
but I realized you would never have given me any peace if I said so,
so I just went through the motions, to pacify you;
...but now I'm an adult.
I am happy to visit with you and have a relationship with you,
and I respect your right to believe what you want,
but I insist that respect my rights, too,
without being hinted-at, nagged, harassed, bullied, etc. "
2. And then, when they kept trying to re-open the subject,
I would have simply stopped them and said this:
" Ok, look: What is it, exactly, that you think you're accomplishing?
I am already very well-acquainted with all your beliefs;
You are flogging a dead horse!
I already know what you believe, and I know why you believe it!!
Repeating it is not going to change anything.
I respect your right to believe what you want,
but for some reason, that is not enough for you.
It is apparently really important to you that I believe the same thing you do.
So consider this:
You believe that Jesus gave YOU the choice and free will to accept Him as your Saviour....right?
But at some point,
you seem to have forgotten that Jesus did NOT give you the right to make the same choice,
ON MY BEHALF.
Whether I am your child, or not,
my soul is my own, to do with as I please,
and I would think that you would hesitate to take it upon yourself
to take from me, the choice that you, yourself believe
Jesus died on the cross, to give me!!
So step off, already.
Do you really think Jesus wants my allegiance
only because you nagged, bullied, and brainwashed me, into it?
And besides which....do you even realize the message that sends, about your lack of faith?
I mean, why don't you just leave it in God's hands?
Pray all you want for my soul,
but don't let me detect ANY TRACE of pressure from you,
...or I will simply leave, any time I feel my beliefs, or lack thereof, are not being fully respected.
So, once and for all: I consider this subject closed. "
....And then I would have made good on my promise, if they tried to reopen it, again.
No more discussions, no more arguments...I'd just leave.
Eventually they'd get the idea.