I think that an important thing to keep in mind is that you're at the stage of development where you're still trying to figure out who you are. It's that way for just about everyone, which is one of the reasons why our teenage years are so vibrant and memorable in both happy and sad/bad ways. The turmoil is the crucible in which we are formed.
Regarding phases, I went through several during my teens into my early 20's. First, I was just a non-practicing Catholic, like the rest of my family. Knew a bit about the OT, Jesus, the trinity, had first communion (in the hospital, actually, during one of my many surgeries), etc, and (wanted to) believe in a caricature of that god. Towards the end of high school/beginning of college, I was more new age-y, not to the point of believing in crystals and auras and whatnot, but by professing that I loved everyone ("maaaaaaaan"
), and that I thought that god was more nebulous - not a person, no son - but a positive entity. It wasn't until my early 20's that I finally admitted to myself that I didn't believe, that I never actually believed, and that everything until then were just feeble attempts at fitting in.
See, belief and unbelief cannot really be faked. They're the end result of a ton of things - logic, emotions, questioning ourselves, life experiences, etc. While one can proclaim they're this or that, unless they actually believe it (or not), then they're just putting up a facade. They may be trying to rebel, or fit in, or try to see what the 'other side' is really like, or whatever, but it's not lasting change. Keep in mind, there's nothing wrong with trying something new, whether it's a different way of thinking or anything else. It's just that if you're not being honest with yourself regarding it, it's not a true (un)belief.
I guess what I'm trying to say in a really meandering way is to not get hung up on being 'right' with any of this. You're still trying to figure yourself out, and it's going to take time. It does for just about everyone. Just go through the process with honesty and curiosity and wherever you end up will be right for you, which, when you become an adult, is really all that matters.
So don't sweat the rebellion question. It's really immaterial to the process of growing up because even if it is just teenage rebellion or a phase, going through it is a net benefit to you in the long run.
Regarding phases, I went through several during my teens into my early 20's. First, I was just a non-practicing Catholic, like the rest of my family. Knew a bit about the OT, Jesus, the trinity, had first communion (in the hospital, actually, during one of my many surgeries), etc, and (wanted to) believe in a caricature of that god. Towards the end of high school/beginning of college, I was more new age-y, not to the point of believing in crystals and auras and whatnot, but by professing that I loved everyone ("maaaaaaaan"
), and that I thought that god was more nebulous - not a person, no son - but a positive entity. It wasn't until my early 20's that I finally admitted to myself that I didn't believe, that I never actually believed, and that everything until then were just feeble attempts at fitting in.See, belief and unbelief cannot really be faked. They're the end result of a ton of things - logic, emotions, questioning ourselves, life experiences, etc. While one can proclaim they're this or that, unless they actually believe it (or not), then they're just putting up a facade. They may be trying to rebel, or fit in, or try to see what the 'other side' is really like, or whatever, but it's not lasting change. Keep in mind, there's nothing wrong with trying something new, whether it's a different way of thinking or anything else. It's just that if you're not being honest with yourself regarding it, it's not a true (un)belief.
I guess what I'm trying to say in a really meandering way is to not get hung up on being 'right' with any of this. You're still trying to figure yourself out, and it's going to take time. It does for just about everyone. Just go through the process with honesty and curiosity and wherever you end up will be right for you, which, when you become an adult, is really all that matters.
So don't sweat the rebellion question. It's really immaterial to the process of growing up because even if it is just teenage rebellion or a phase, going through it is a net benefit to you in the long run.
"I was thirsty for everything, but blood wasn't my style" - Live, "Voodoo Lady"
