The closest I've come to prostitution was when, at the age of about 18, I had gay sex in exchange for a room, which never actually materialised... the guy taunting me by saying he had given it to another 'young lad' (and god knows what he had to do for it). The guy was a creep - old, ugly, smelly - and the experience was horrible. That was my first, and last, experience of anal sex. It wasn't as bad as it could have been because he wanted me on top, but it was still horrible and it put me off anal sex for life.
Back then I attracted a lot of creeps because I had very low confidence and self-esteem and wouldn't say boo to a goose. I was - and probably still am - a controller's wet dream because I couldn't say no and felt I owed to it to them for even the slightest kindness, like giving me a can of coke. I'm still the same person; shy, socially awkward, naive, and dependent but what's changed is I no longer put myself in situations where I can be used like that. If I did it would probably be a case of 'old habits die hard' but I like to think I have a lot more psychological awareness than I did back then, and would recognise the patterns earlier... when to run for the hills.
So as to the current questions... would I have sex for money? Only conditionally... only if I had some say over what was allowed... and probably not actual sex... and only if it was with someone I found at least vaguely attractive. But not like before... not with someone who made me want to puke no matter how much they offered. And as to whether anyone would want to pay me for sex, I'd take it as a compliment if they did but only if I knew they weren't a controller. I'm alright looking and thankfully my self-image in that regard is a lot more realistic than it used to be... I'm sure there are people out there who would fancy me just as I'm sure there are for everyone. But no, I'm not 'awesome' so controllers aside I don't think there'd be anyone so besotted with me to want to pay for it.
Back then I attracted a lot of creeps because I had very low confidence and self-esteem and wouldn't say boo to a goose. I was - and probably still am - a controller's wet dream because I couldn't say no and felt I owed to it to them for even the slightest kindness, like giving me a can of coke. I'm still the same person; shy, socially awkward, naive, and dependent but what's changed is I no longer put myself in situations where I can be used like that. If I did it would probably be a case of 'old habits die hard' but I like to think I have a lot more psychological awareness than I did back then, and would recognise the patterns earlier... when to run for the hills.
So as to the current questions... would I have sex for money? Only conditionally... only if I had some say over what was allowed... and probably not actual sex... and only if it was with someone I found at least vaguely attractive. But not like before... not with someone who made me want to puke no matter how much they offered. And as to whether anyone would want to pay me for sex, I'd take it as a compliment if they did but only if I knew they weren't a controller. I'm alright looking and thankfully my self-image in that regard is a lot more realistic than it used to be... I'm sure there are people out there who would fancy me just as I'm sure there are for everyone. But no, I'm not 'awesome' so controllers aside I don't think there'd be anyone so besotted with me to want to pay for it.
