I don't think I ever tricked myself into believing. I do however think there was a time where I wasn't willing to admit that I didn't believe. Looking back, I stopped going to church many years before identifying as an atheist and being able to say "no, I don't believe in god." I quit praying, too. I think I misunderstood atheism, and what it would mean for there to be no god. Before I could say that, I started thinking of prayer as absolutely useless. Either I wasn't able to take the next logical step (there's a reason prayer doesn't work!) or I did and wasn't able to realize what it really meant.
The whole tone of Church teaching in regard to woman is, to the last degree, contemptuous and degrading. - Elizabeth Cady Stanton
