(July 31, 2016 at 11:58 am)Mamacita Wrote:(July 31, 2016 at 11:35 am)The_Empress Wrote: I'm too skinny, but I'm currently living in a prefab retirement community in hot-hot Florida with my mom and stepdad who are attempting to fatten me up. SO sexy. Boobs? Don't got much of 'em, but I had a dream last night that a doctor giving me botox injections for my deep forehead wrinkles tried to feel me up, so I got future botox free so I wouldn't sue. Botox? Never got it, probably never would, so you're stuck with my wrinkles and paying for your own damn cosmetic stuff.
Got a shirtless selfie in the mirror on your ad? Go away.
Actually, everybody go away unless your name is Ivy, you love beer and bacon, and you have the most swag.
The REAL empress (Becca) ad:
I'm beautiful. My smile is genuine. I smile with my face, not just my lips, and that in return will make you smile, too. I'm thin, with curves, making me the sexiest hoolahooper in history. I walk with style. My voice is very cute, and it WILL make you want to cuddle. I love travel and I'm not just saying it. I can walk or ride a bike just about anywhere. I look stunning in a red dress. A conversation with me flows. I'm the fun one at a concert. I'm artsy. My hugs are so sweet and warm, they'll even make an awkward hugger beg for more. I have good taste in beer, and women.
Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.
