(October 3, 2016 at 11:54 am)InquiringMind Wrote: From these violated expectations, we can extract the cultural narrative of relationships: you meet someone, you "fall in love," you complete each other, and you live happily ever after without the need for compromise or work, and the happy love chemicals will last forever. You will be "together forever."
Of course, we all know that this narrative is wrong. But most people still believe it and still live their lives as if it is true. Why?
I think what Tolstoy said in Anna Karenina applies to "relationships" as well. "All happy families are alike. Every unhappy family is unhappy in it's own way." I know we have to be careful not to take these "clever" sayings too seriously, but there is something in those kinds of observations. What kind of "relationship" works? Well, it's when two people are happy with themselves; when they do not enjoy strife and argument; when they are not neurotic; when they have sexual appetites that don't push them to do things they might no otherwise do; when they agree on money matters; when they agree on religious matters; when they agree on who runs which "department" (my wife deals with the money, I grow and fix stuff!), when they have extended families who let them be who they are - well, it can go on and on." You may ask - what are the chances of getting all that agreement? It comes down to people who just happen to want to get along, are truly happy to be with their partner (I know we're enlightened now, but I still have to force myself to use that phrase!), and are happy with themselves. I think this is how happy marriages are. It's basically two reasonable people who have an irrational attraction to one another and who are content to get along. I also don't think they spend a lot of time analyzing their "relationship." (I also have an armchair theory that people who think in terms of "relationships" have less chance at success.)
