Do You Ever Miss God?

[marktzu]

For those of you who have a history in a particular religion and moved away from it, I mean do you ever miss the feeling of believing you had a personal relationship with god?

A few weeks ago, to my surprise, I went through a period of nostalgia.  I shouldn’t have been surprised.  Twenty-five years of indoctrination and programing in fear and guilt, joy and gratitude don’t just go away just because I realize intellectually that Christianity isn’t true.

If I shared those feelings and the dreams I used to have of being left in the rapture with a Christian, they will have an explanation for it. This is why indoctrination is so important in religion. We’re programmed with the strongest emotions and religionists know the feelings won’t go away—not permanently. All it takes is a trigger, a song, a memory. Then the Christians can say aha, in your heart of hearts you know god exists. And if I don’t know better, I’ll have to believe their interpretation of what I feel.

But I do know better and I resent being played with. To program me to believe something and then use that programming as proof of my belief is disingenuous. Of course, now they can interpret my resentment as proof that I hate god.

I was raised in a Christian home and up until my 50's I was very active in the church.  Like many of us the more I studied and learned I realized that what I had been taught over the years just did not stand up.  I went through many changes during the years, liberal Christian, society of friends, Buddhist and last of all I decided I was a Taoist.  Finally I had to throw in the towel.  Carl Jung the great psychologist called the fear of death as one of the two major drives for human being.  Taking away the illusion of heaven is a very sobering thought.  Having to face death with out all the built in defenses of religion is difficult.  Sometimes I find myself feeling like the, "stranger in a strange land".  Sitting at a funeral where people are being told about the "assurance of the resurrection" and knowing it is bull.  I miss the comfort my delusions provided.  Problem is I now prefer reality.  Thanks All.  Marktzu