My mom is dying, going to need an ear.

[emjay]

I have not read this thread until now but now I've read it all and been transfixed over the last few hours... it's incredibly moving. Your poetry is beautiful. It so captures everything about this experience that everyone does and will face. Generally I don't 'get' or like poetry but yours is so beautiful and meaningful. I'm so sorry for your loss Brian, and how hard it is for you to come to terms with. Your devotion to your mother was and is an inspiration. She was very lucky to have you for a son.

I lost all four of my grandparents relatively recently, and it was a stark reminder of the passage of time, and that loss is built in to the human experience. Then I find all my childhood heroes popstars and filmstars dying off one by one... another reminder that everything has its time and place and that is finite, and that part of life is coming to terms with that. Something which we all do (or try to do) in different ways. I just remember from time to time and it makes me sad when I do, but ultimately I know they live on in and through me and my memories. That's all I have left of two of my grandparents; their ashes were scattered... there's not even a headstone somewhere to visit, and their house was sold to developers of some kind who changed everything. It was basically as if they ceased to exist and all trace of them was removed, and that was hard to come to terms with.  So all I have left is my memories, but in the end I know that's the only place they live on... as it is for you; your mother lives on in and through you and your memories, and everyone else who loved her.

Best wishes Brian, and I hope one day you can find peace with this.

Thank you so much, you don't know how much that means to me. It makes it even more bittersweet because she won't read this. 

It is nothing you get over, but only learn to cope with. I am doing better now, but still have my moments.

Death of a loved one or friend, it does not matter how, it is something everyone eventually faces. It is never easy. My poetry is my way of coping.

You're welcome *hugs*

I'm by nature a very stoic person; I very rarely cry... not for any macho reason but because if I do cry it'll open up the floodgates and I might be overwhelmed by it and not be able to cope. So I try to 'let things go' or distance myself from them... but there's a fine line between letting go and repressing things. But in the case of profound loss, I think the only way to truly deal with it is to open those floodgates and let whatever's going to come out, come out... as you've done in this thread. I've done that a few times in my life... sometimes crying for days on end till I could cry no more, but not many, so I really admire your courage for that, and I can see that it's the right way to work through feelings to get to a better place. I know it's hard for you, and it would be for me as well, but I really think this thread is the best therapy through it you could have, and is clearly helping you work through it to a better place. It's the whole grieving process, through all of its stages, laid bare and is a lasting testament to how much you loved her and love her still. You said in one of your poems that words could never capture who she was or what she meant to you, but this thread as a whole starts to. It may only capture the tip of the iceberg but it is best eulogy you could ever give