(September 17, 2017 at 9:02 am)Nymphadora Wrote: This is one of those occasions where I am glad I haven't spoken to my family in 7 years. All that drama about growing up, getting married, rushing to have kids yadda, yadda, yadda is just happily absent from my life.
I know - not everyone can just cut their folks off like I had to do, but if they can't stop nagging you, maybe seriously consider minimizing your contact.
I am no fan of blind loyalty to family either. Yes, it is great to be loved and have the bond, but ultimately love is not about trying to dictate to others or get them to be a clone of you. Good relationships, co-worker, spouse, parent/kid/ brother/sister and even between friends, is about communication and consent. Those whom truly love you while you still will have things that bug you about the other, wont suck the emotional life out of you.
I cut communications with my older brother precisely because every time I was around him he was always doomsday as if it was his job to be my parent. He constantly sucked the emotional life out of me, even on petty small things. We once went to play pool at a bar, and it didn't take me long to notice how quite he was. I was simply trying to have fun, and thought something was bothering him so I asked him, "Why are you so quiet?" I am not kidding, he shouted so loud "YOU DON'T THINK I AM SIMPLY GOING TO LET YOU WIN!" he startled everyone in the bar.
But having been bullied as a kid, the last straw was when he threatened to beat me up for asking my aunt to take in my sick cat. He said our uncle had respiratory problems, probably something like COPD. It wasn't his explanation but the threat. There was no need for threats. But to a lesser degree, even though looking back he was right, he was still a third party not even living in that house. It was the physical threat ultimately that caused me to cut him off. I don't hate him or wish him ill, I simply cant have that fear of walking on eggshells or emotional blackmail in my life.
But, in the case of the OP, with pestering and projecting his script on you, I am not saying you should cut him off. But if he truly loves you, every time he brings it up you can simply tell him, "I love you dad, I always will, but it is still my decision. I understand you want the best for me, but it is still ultimately my decision". I think after a little repetition he'll get the message. You don't have to raise your voice or get into an argument, just be short and to the point. If you have been close outside this issue, then over time I am sure he can live with it, even if he might not like it himself.
