I get nagged at by my parents about marriage a lot too... the only difference is that they aren't that bothered over religion, maybe except islam, but I am sure they'd be ok with that too if I just consent. I know how annoying it can get, especially if you love your parents and don't want to hurt them in any way... I really don't know how to get out of it though, I sometimes wonder maybe I should just get one of my friends to pose as my partner just to get them to shut up... sigh!!

This is one of those occasions where I am glad I haven't spoken to my family in 7 years. All that drama about growing up, getting married, rushing to have kids yadda, yadda, yadda is just happily absent from my life.

I know - not everyone can just cut their folks off like I had to do, but if they can't stop nagging you, maybe seriously consider minimizing your contact.

Well minimizing contact actually makes the nagging increase exponentially for when you do have to make contact especially at family gatherings. And it's not like I'll never get married, it's just that I want to achieve my own goals in life before that, and as for kids, when the time comes I've already decided to adopt instead of contributing to the population count with spawns of my own

The church dictated my marriage when they found out I had sex with the dude. They had him baptized first, so I wouldn't marry a Catholic, had him take some doctrine courses, then I got married. Of course, people may say I had a choice. Nobody put a gun to my head. When you grow up the way I did, though, all you want to do is be obedient, submissive to the god (and therefore, his chosen ones), repent and serve. I was married for 11 years.

During that marriage, I discovered that I didn't have an identity. I didn't have a personality of my own. I didn't have tastes. I was clay and the church was the hands that shaped it. It was so easy to get married and now let my husband's world reshape me. Being clay was what I knew best. Things changed when I began to question this pattern.

I was no longer a believer. I no longer liked his friends, so I got new ones. I went to school. I changed jobs. I listened to other music. I went to the movies alone, so I could pick the movie myself this time. I went to dinner alone, so I could think and not be interrupted. I tried something different to drink and I liked it.

I was no longer the person I was when we got married. One thing lead to another, and boom. It was over. Funny thing... his girlfriend is a catechism teacher for kids. I only date atheists.

Anywhooooooo... don't let people dictate who you marry or why. You'll waste your life and their's. It's not fair for you. It's not fair for him. No matter what. It hurts my heart and my brain to think of the time we both wasted. I feel bad for him. I really hope he can be happy one day.

Also... I thought I knew what orgasms were like... until after we left each other. Yes, I experienced the best orgasms after 30. Mind blown. It gets better when you have a say in it.

(September 17, 2017 at 9:02 am)Nymphadora Wrote: This is one of those occasions where I am glad I haven't spoken to my family in 7 years. All that drama about growing up, getting married, rushing to have kids yadda, yadda, yadda is just happily absent from my life.

I know - not everyone can just cut their folks off like I had to do, but if they can't stop nagging you, maybe seriously consider minimizing your contact.

I am no fan of blind loyalty to family either. Yes, it is great to be loved and have the bond, but ultimately love is not about trying to dictate to others or get them to be a clone of you. Good relationships, co-worker, spouse, parent/kid/ brother/sister and even between friends, is about communication and consent. Those whom truly love you while you still will have things that bug you about the other, wont suck the emotional life out of you. 

I cut communications with my older brother precisely because every time I was around him he was always doomsday as if it was his job to be my parent. He constantly sucked the emotional life out of me, even on petty small things. We once went to play pool at a bar, and it didn't take me long to notice how quite he was. I was simply trying to have fun, and thought something was bothering him so I asked him, "Why are you so quiet?" I am not kidding, he shouted so loud "YOU DON'T THINK I AM SIMPLY GOING TO LET YOU WIN!" he startled everyone in the bar.

But having been bullied as a kid, the last straw was when he threatened to beat me up for asking my aunt to take in my sick cat. He said our uncle had respiratory problems, probably something like COPD. It wasn't his explanation but the threat. There was no need for threats. But to a lesser degree, even though looking back he was right, he was still a third party not even living in that house. It was the physical threat ultimately that caused me to cut  him off. I don't hate him or wish him ill, I simply cant have that fear of walking on eggshells or emotional blackmail in my life. 

But, in the case of the OP, with pestering and projecting his script on you, I am not saying you should cut him off. But if he truly loves you, every time he brings it up you can simply tell him, "I love you dad, I always will, but it is still my decision. I understand you want the best for me, but it is still ultimately my decision". I think after a little repetition he'll get the message. You don't have to raise your voice or get into an argument, just be short and to the point. If you have been close outside this issue, then over time I am sure he can live with it, even if he might not like it himself.

(September 17, 2017 at 5:05 am)Die Atheistin Wrote:

(September 16, 2017 at 10:42 am)Catholic_Lady Wrote: Oh I see. You saod you've never had a crush on anyone, I guess that threw me off?

There is a difference between romantic and sexual attraction. You can be sexually attracted to someone and not romantically or vice-versa.

So are you only sexually attracted, but not romantically attracted?

This poor girl talkin' bout marriage and y'all over here telling orgasm stories.

(September 16, 2017 at 9:01 am)Die Atheistin Wrote: He called me today so we can speak. He told me many things about what I should and shouldn't do later in life. At some point, he told me that my future husband must be christian, it doesn't matter the denomination. 
This is hypocrisy, my dad doesn't believe in Hell, and he told me years ago that other religions aren't worse than ours. 
I'm in the closet atheist, and I would prefer to marry a nonebeliever like me. Yes, two persons with different religions, or a religios and a nonreligious person can get married and be happy, but I do think that atheism is right. I see other beliefs as wrong, and I don't claim otherwise, so I'm not a hypocrite, unlike my dad.
Dad insists so much sometimes about me marrying a man, I'm lucky I'm not a lesbian. I'm pretty sure he would accept me, or at the very least tolerate me if I was asexual and/or aromantic, since society doesn't usually discriminate against those kind of people, not in Europe at the very least. The thing is, I'm not entirely sure about my sexuality. I never had a crush, not a serious one at the very least, but I do feel some kind of attraction towards males, I'm not sure about girls, though. I've had fantasies about being with both boys and girls, I didn't ask for those fantasies, they sympli happened. The idea of dating an intersex person doesn't disgust me. Also, I don't know if I would like dating a transgender or non-binary person, I don't have anything against them, I sympli don't know if I am romantically or sexually attracted to them. I don't know if I'm bisexual, bi-curious, pansexual, or something else.

Heh, my wife is kinda Christian. She likes jesus, but disagrees with the pope. And the protestant. I liked her, she liked me, we did our stuff and we are basicly OK, when I am not dodging frying pans.

IMHO marriage is a battle of balance. You need to balance eatchothers needs, somehow. If that mariage is same sex, poly, crowd or somethin, doesnt matter, the concept remains the same.

I have no real experience with these things, but I will say that I think basing decisions like that on what others want seems like a likely way to have an unfullfilling life. If/when you decide to get married, it will be you, not them who deals with the good and the bad.

Myself I think I would have to be blown away by how awesome a relationship is before I would even consider marrying. I watched things go terribly wrong in my family too many times for that to be an easy call to make.

(September 16, 2017 at 2:23 pm)Mathilda Wrote:

(September 16, 2017 at 2:16 pm)Catholic_Lady Wrote: Wow, really? Not even with oral or if he's using a toy?

Nothing works whatsoever. Any tactile sensation more than a normal touch just feels uncomfortable.

I'm sorry.... :/