A thought on asexuality
September 18, 2018 at 8:18 am
(This post was last modified: September 18, 2018 at 8:33 am by I_am_not_mafia.)
I can't believe that it took me this long to realise that I am probably asexual.
I've previously considered myself to have had many different sexualities in the past, but then I realised, I don't actually ever want sex. I just wanted the connection to another human being and I was opening up to who I could connect with. I am what they call a romantic asexual (there are loads of different ways to classify what kind of asexual you are apparently). It was my husband that suggested this to me. I just thought that I didn't want sex because I am anorgasmic and have never had an orgasm. But actually it goes deeper than that as it's slowly occurred to me that other people are driven to have sex for the sake of having sex. For me the idea of sex has never actually turned me on. I can imagine the appeal of having sex to become pregnant, but as I can't have children it's not something I can afford to want.
I do have sex with my husband, but that's for his sake more than anything else and for the sake of the relationship. I am happy with the cuddles, caressing and intimacy. Anything more than that and the sensation quickly starts to feel like an irritation. I think my anorgasmia is probably exacerbated by my asexuality but many asexuals can get aroused and can have orgasms. And many of them are disgusted by the idea of having sex. I can see why. Kissing a stranger for example to me is the equivalent of using a stranger's toothbrush or used tissue. Sex to me though is on a par with someone rubbing my elbow and expecting me to get excited about it. I normally just stare in the middle distance and think about something more interesting.
Asexuals worry about coming out as well. People expect everyone else to be sexual. I don't think I have mentioned it to anyone else. To me it's like coming out as not being a stamp collector. It's just not something I do or has any relevance to my life so why mention it? But on the other hand, it does sort of free me up. If I ever wonder about people questioning my motives, I have the option of easily dismissing them by explaining that I am asexual.
Sometimes I try to imagine what it must be like being sexual, and how your actions are driven by an underlying desire to present yourself in the right way to attract a mate and to breed (or just have sex). I can see the appeal but it must be so distracting. My husband is jealous that I am not cursed with such a distraction.
I do realise that a large part of what it means to be human is denied to me. But then many people can say the same thing for many different reasons.
I've previously considered myself to have had many different sexualities in the past, but then I realised, I don't actually ever want sex. I just wanted the connection to another human being and I was opening up to who I could connect with. I am what they call a romantic asexual (there are loads of different ways to classify what kind of asexual you are apparently). It was my husband that suggested this to me. I just thought that I didn't want sex because I am anorgasmic and have never had an orgasm. But actually it goes deeper than that as it's slowly occurred to me that other people are driven to have sex for the sake of having sex. For me the idea of sex has never actually turned me on. I can imagine the appeal of having sex to become pregnant, but as I can't have children it's not something I can afford to want.
I do have sex with my husband, but that's for his sake more than anything else and for the sake of the relationship. I am happy with the cuddles, caressing and intimacy. Anything more than that and the sensation quickly starts to feel like an irritation. I think my anorgasmia is probably exacerbated by my asexuality but many asexuals can get aroused and can have orgasms. And many of them are disgusted by the idea of having sex. I can see why. Kissing a stranger for example to me is the equivalent of using a stranger's toothbrush or used tissue. Sex to me though is on a par with someone rubbing my elbow and expecting me to get excited about it. I normally just stare in the middle distance and think about something more interesting.
Asexuals worry about coming out as well. People expect everyone else to be sexual. I don't think I have mentioned it to anyone else. To me it's like coming out as not being a stamp collector. It's just not something I do or has any relevance to my life so why mention it? But on the other hand, it does sort of free me up. If I ever wonder about people questioning my motives, I have the option of easily dismissing them by explaining that I am asexual.
Sometimes I try to imagine what it must be like being sexual, and how your actions are driven by an underlying desire to present yourself in the right way to attract a mate and to breed (or just have sex). I can see the appeal but it must be so distracting. My husband is jealous that I am not cursed with such a distraction.
I do realise that a large part of what it means to be human is denied to me. But then many people can say the same thing for many different reasons.
