[Serious] For former Christians, what was it like to "know" Christ?

[The Inquisition]

Just trying the Serious option out.

So I've been wondering, we have some current Christians who believe that once a person is saved, they are forever saved, and that if you really knew Jesus, you would be a true Christian and never stop being one (or something of the sort) ... so anyone who claims they knew Jesus but no longer believe was never a true Christian in the first place (according to them).

But my problem with this reasoning is I'm not convinced at all that any current Christian "knows" Jesus in a way that is clearly and conclusively different from how former Christians "knew" Jesus. And I remember making a thread asking Christians themselves to explain to me what they really meant by "knowing" Jesus, and while I got answers, I didn't get exactly what I was asking for in these answers. They were rather vague and failed to clearly distinguish the kind of knowledge former Christians had and the kind of knowledge current Christians have regarding Christ.

So this time, I want to ask those who used to be Christian, especially of the "I had a personal relationship with Jesus" type of Christian, what exactly did it feel like to "know" Jesus? And what would you say to current Christians who are convinced they "know" Jesus and think you never truly "knew" him yourself?

By the way, this is not to exclude theists (or atheists who were never Christians) from coming in here to discuss, they're very well free to do so. But the question is really for former Christians.

I felt the presence of god many times as a Christian, this was always the result of achieving an emotional state induced by meditation, listening to music, or a compelling sermon by the pastor. Add to that the group dynamic by being in a select group that shared your beliefs and feelings and it lent itself to a perception of being part of something bigger than yourself. I would even have conversations with Jesus/god which was me just talking to myself, maybe even remembering bible scriptures that I had read before as a response in my conversation with myself.

Of course being a reasonably intelligent person, you would realize what you were doing is merely having a conversation with an imaginary friend, this is where intellectual honesty comes in. It is very comforting to think that an omni-deity cares about you and communicates with you through subjective memories and shallow interpretations of events, such as "I prayed to god for my headache to go away and it went away" type of ad-hoc mental processes.

Coming to terms with what I was actually doing to prop up this Jesus-is-my-buddy mentality was somewhat sad, yet empowering, as I slowly re-taught myself that all of these conversations I was having with Jesus was just me talking to myself.

My own perspective on this head game that Christians play on themselves, makes me rather impatient when I hear their nonsense about hearing the voice of god or hearing about their prayers being answered. I try to have an empathic view towards people for doing this, it is so easy and so comforting and so common for people to engage in this activity, yet it is so wrong and so dishonest. It's bad enough that many people are willing to lie to themselves, but as soon as your little voices from within claim to know what's best for other people, then I can get hostile pretty quickly towards this kind of sophistry.

This has been my own journey, learning how to be understanding towards people, but trying not to judge them too harshly for them behaving just like our primate, pattern-seeking brains have evolved us to behave and think.