Things you say to your pets

[The Valkyrie]

Thanks anyway for the huge bowl of whipped cream, but I don't think I can eat it all. (house guests looking forward to scones staring silently)
Get off you little fucker!

(cat sniffs 3 plates of food and walks off) I'll wait 5 minutes to see what else the suckers will give me!
Eat it or you get nothing you little fucker!

I'll spray on his subwoofer, as a friendly reminder of who's house this is!
You dirty little fucker!

It's one in the morning, I better scream at them to make sure they haven't both died in their bed!
Shut up you little fucker!


Hello! I think my name's "little fucker"

Last night, pissing down with rain, my cat decided to crawl under the blanket with me, while absolutely soaked through and freezing.

Instead of curling up at the end of the bed as she usually does, she curled up against my stomach ( I sleep on my side).