Where do we go when we die and are you afraid?

[HappySkeptic]

I think it's rather obvious that you don't understand atheism because you don't WANT to understand atheism.

I do. I want to ANSWERS before I die. (which is impossible but you have no idea how hard i'll try. I have a lot of curiosity it will probably be the end of me).
its 1:30 am here so I'm gonna get some sleep.

I am a former Christian.  I was converted into evangelical circles when I was your age, moved to mainstream Christianity, and then became an atheist about 10 years ago.

I am happier now than I was as a Christian, and I admit that I "know" fewer answers than I thought I knew.  My understanding and beliefs will evolve until I die.

If you want answers about what you are, and where you are going, I have some thoughts

1. What is the purpose of life?  You make your own purpose, through your interaction with the world and others.  There are lots of purposes to be found, though love and positive achievement.
   
2. Is there reward/punishment for behavior?  Yes, in this life, both in our internal happiness, and in societal acceptance.  And yes, sometimes bad things don't get punished and good things go unrewarded.  Work toward the justice you think is lacking.
   
3. Where do we go when we die?  The same place you were before you were born.  Nowhere.  Consciousness is a process, not an item.  When the process ceases due to coma, drugs, or death, it simply "isn't".
   
4. Isn't life meaningless if it simply ends?  No, it is more precious.  Life is change, both with the joys and sorrows.  An eternity without change, struggle or growth would be a truly meaningless existence.
   
5. Aren't atheists scared of death?  Yes and no.  The animal in us has evolved a visceral fear of death, but I have no existential fear of ceasing to exist.  I am eager to live in the now, far more than when I was a Christian living for an afterlife.  And I am far more at peace with my mortality than when I was a Christian.
   

I am also happy to discuss the ridiculous ideas around the Christian god, and why it is overwhelmingly unlikely that such a being exists, but that's a different post. You mentioned that you haven't got through the OT (Leviticus is heavy - not worth ready every law). Every Christian should (I have). There would be fewer Christians that way.