How important are you?

[Ahriman]

OP: you've got an internal perception of your self worth, then there is external perception of your worth by others IRL. Your actual self worth/importance is somewhere in between. If your internal perception radically conflicts with IRL perception by others it's going to create some problems for you. This, in part, is of how personality disorders are identified. I believe your behavior indicates that you have one.

I expect that you won't consider any of the above valid, which is probably the most significant indicator of your mental state.

Edit: You might gain some insight by listening to Kansas. (fuck, that's going to be an ear worm for the rest of the day)

What makes you think I have a personality disorder?