Coming Out

[Objectivist]

I've been away for a while after an initial flurry.  I had to sort of step back from the "angry" stage and figure it out.  I think today was a breakthrough, though.

My mother was giving me details about the "vote" at their United Methodist church about whether to disaffiliate, yada, yada.  I had already expressed earlier that I didn't care because I didn't understand the issues.

The conversation took a turn.  She tried to corner me on belief and it ended up in 2 hours of me explaining atheism to her, and that this is now where I live.

It started off uncomfortable.  She took the victim position repeatedly and accused me of calling her stupid when I would talk about different topics.  Her essential position, which I repeated and confirmed with her repeatedly, is that she believes because she believes.  I asked her repeatedly to give me one reason to believe, and she repeatedly answered that she could not.  My mom is no theologian or apologist, she's just an honest woman who has believed for 73 years.  I give her a pass on that.

Eventually, as we discussed, she understood that this was not a choice, but a realization.  One that I agonized over.  One that I search about and against for dozens of hours every week.  I think this gave her (false) comfort that I wil "see the light" and come back.  That softened the blow.

Compared to other "coming out" stories I have heard, I guess this went OK.  But fuck me, I'm exhausted.

I have found that believers in gods have trouble separating themselves from the gods they profess to believe in which is evidence that it is all in their heads.  They react to the rejection of their beliefs as a rejection of them personally.  

I'm not a good person to ask about this though because I really don't care what people think of me and my beliefs or lack thereof.  My mother is very religious and she asks me why I don't believe and I tell her flat out and don't pull any punches.  She has no answer.  I'm polite, but clear about it.