(February 6, 2012 at 2:29 am)Faith No More Wrote: Well, I hope you feel better, and I'm sure I don't have to tell you that stopping meds and increasing alcohol intake is counterproductive.
While being fully aware that this is going to sound like denial, I'm not drinking to excess at all. My usual intake is pretty damn close to zero. Lately, it's been a few beers most days. Your point is well taken, though.
(February 6, 2012 at 2:29 am)Faith No More Wrote: Death is shitty, and grieving can be a bitch. I know the worst times in my life were when I was grieving. The key, however, is to get through it without being too self-destructive, because it perpetuates that terrible state of mind. We are our own worst enemies when life is kicking our ass.
It isn't really even the death that's bothering me, I think. I knew 18 months ago that she was going to die sooner rather than, and the whole family had a pretty good idea of when it was going to happen. Once the treatment options for lung cancer run out, the course the disease takes is both predictable, and final for the most part. I did my grieving before the end finally came. Yeah, that may sound a bit like denial as well - but it's a fact that I've been through the death of loved ones before and honestly, I don't think it is.
I think what's going on here is that I'm wrapped up with issues surrounding my own mortality. I've had serious health issues over the last four months that I won't rehash here (they're on another thread). I've been worried the last few months, I have not been responding to treatment, and I should find out tomorrow or shortly thereafter what my prognosis is. While it is not necessarily so, I know full well that there is a significant possibility that it will be very, very bad.
It's not even that I'm going through the whole doom-and-gloom process and catastrophizing the outcome before I even know what it is. I know there's a decent chance that the news will not be bad.
The problem is, I'm not certain that I care.
