Marriage problems with theist
March 6, 2012 at 10:24 pm
(This post was last modified: March 6, 2012 at 10:25 pm by Roshambo.)
Hey all, new member here, and troubled.
Over the last year, I've found myself moving from a kind of believing to casting it off mostly to the default atheist position. I read a lot about the subject lately (Dawkins/Hitchens/etc) and consume several debates and videos constantly.
While at a distance now from the family (Seventh-Day Adventists mainly) in IL (I'm in wife's home state of CT) I find myself at odds now. I went through SDA Christian schools on and off, stopped after 2 years of boarding school and finished public school the final 2 years.
I then joined the Marines for 4 years, mostly agnostic. Met my wife around 2009 and married her, got out in 2010 and visited IL for a year while going to college, now we're in CT and I'm going to state college.
While dating we spoke briefly about religion and kids and how we'd probably put them in church schools, and she mostly grew up just going to church but stopped long ago and holds the distant belief without practicing really.
Over the last few months I've come across great minds and works by writers, and also those awesome debates, and I find myself completely atheist now. The wife notices this, and while she hasn't been to church at all and we never spoke of god really, barely ever, she is incredibly pissed now. She slowly got mad that I was watching stuff and that I was intrigued but she didn't share the intrigue I did. She's mad at where I've ended up, and we just got into a huge argument back and forth about things, mostly ending with "well, if we have kids (we don't now) how will they be raised. This is serious and I need to think about this..." then emotional situation for her followed.
My question to anyone who has been through this, or has helped a friend through this, is what to do now. We have an young marriage but we love each other a lot, and depend a ton on each other. We are both in college, and picking up and splitting up (if it comes to that) is not really an option for a long time (I'm 50% disabled and depend entirely on my G.I. bill and disability while going to school - can't stop mid semester, etc)..what should I expect and what is the best thing to do for both of us? I don't want to be a pushover and ignore my perspective of facts and disbelief, and I don't want to be a douche-nozzle and keep pushing things on her.
Thank you
Over the last year, I've found myself moving from a kind of believing to casting it off mostly to the default atheist position. I read a lot about the subject lately (Dawkins/Hitchens/etc) and consume several debates and videos constantly.
While at a distance now from the family (Seventh-Day Adventists mainly) in IL (I'm in wife's home state of CT) I find myself at odds now. I went through SDA Christian schools on and off, stopped after 2 years of boarding school and finished public school the final 2 years.
I then joined the Marines for 4 years, mostly agnostic. Met my wife around 2009 and married her, got out in 2010 and visited IL for a year while going to college, now we're in CT and I'm going to state college.
While dating we spoke briefly about religion and kids and how we'd probably put them in church schools, and she mostly grew up just going to church but stopped long ago and holds the distant belief without practicing really.
Over the last few months I've come across great minds and works by writers, and also those awesome debates, and I find myself completely atheist now. The wife notices this, and while she hasn't been to church at all and we never spoke of god really, barely ever, she is incredibly pissed now. She slowly got mad that I was watching stuff and that I was intrigued but she didn't share the intrigue I did. She's mad at where I've ended up, and we just got into a huge argument back and forth about things, mostly ending with "well, if we have kids (we don't now) how will they be raised. This is serious and I need to think about this..." then emotional situation for her followed.
My question to anyone who has been through this, or has helped a friend through this, is what to do now. We have an young marriage but we love each other a lot, and depend a ton on each other. We are both in college, and picking up and splitting up (if it comes to that) is not really an option for a long time (I'm 50% disabled and depend entirely on my G.I. bill and disability while going to school - can't stop mid semester, etc)..what should I expect and what is the best thing to do for both of us? I don't want to be a pushover and ignore my perspective of facts and disbelief, and I don't want to be a douche-nozzle and keep pushing things on her.
Thank you
