Do you think there's a point to your existence??

[mediamogul]

In the grand scheme of things I believe that life is essentially meaningless. I used to feel utterly horrified at this concept. One day I realized how freeing it is to be able able to define myself and my ends. Most people who become atheists struggle with this concept early on. Especially those who come out of Christianty and are just beaten into the position of feeling that the only meaning is being utterly subservient to god's will and his 'plan' for them. I now look back and find that extremely unsatisfying. It seems so arbitrary, just like god moving little pawns around on a chessboard. Meaninglessness is not to be feared, it is an opportunity to define oneself and make real decisions unincumbered by dogma.

I, too, have begun to feel the liberation from being god's pawn. But why would you feel the need to define yourself if life is meaningless? What is there to define? If life is pointless I dont know how to reconcile that I'm miserable if I do one thing and happy if I do another; that to me suggests there is a point to my actions. I am sort of coerced by my own emotions into making certain decisions. It's kind of weird.

Meaninglessness has a negative connotation that I believe is false. It is the idea that we have been duped into believing that a life needs some overarching meaning to be a good one. Someone around here has the Cat's Cradle quote in their signature that sums it up. You are allowed to be an individual and to have some things feel right to you without ascribing ultimate value to them. Just because something is right for you doesn't mean it needs to be right for everyone. Believing the opposite is often a mark of extreme insecurity of one's own beliefs. It took a while but I really came to feel like my views were really my own and something I had come to through my own reason and inquiry. It's sounds like you are in the middle of that struggle. It's something I can definitely identify with.