(June 8, 2012 at 4:01 pm)zentor Wrote: working on gettign stable today - im not as bad but still not great...
one thing i am telling myself, is not to get so depresed when smoene puts you down,
ie: in my game people duel and if they win they say stuff like "you shoul dkill yourself, your a basement dweller, youll never acomplish anyhing, your bad at socialising, nobody likes you"
but i realise u know being online people like saying hurtful things, kinda like driving by and cursing someone
cuz a lot of people that have made fun of me in my game that i thought were awesome people and way cooler than me
are obese irl, also have low self esteem, etc...and if you talk to them one on one irl, they are totally different.
and tbh, i dont think anyone is a "loser" or "should kill themself"
like they said in the othe rthread, everyone has some potential, and a mind is a terrible thing to waste
and also people do like me IRL, so when i say "NO one likes me, that is a cognitive distortion"
i have a lot of those, so gonna keep aware of my thoughts
also stopped talking to god and cursing him out (well trying to)
still have my "angel friend" (imaginary girlfriend?) but limiting talking to her only when i feel super lonely
this mental stuff sucks, but hoep everyone has a good day
Trust me, I know how you feel when it comes to this kind of thing. Depression kicks like a mule and its worst quality is that it can drive you to do things that, while you think they would gain you some sympathy, can turn people against you. Alas, if you tell people you want to die a lot but you never do it, people realize you're seeking attention. I think it's mostly that you are lonely and you're trying to find some way of alleviating that loneliness. I admit I've felt that way before but my loneliness is self-imposed so I don't really feel a need to fix it. Regardless; the solution is not to threaten to kill yourself, nor to attempt to do it, either; those will make your situation worse rather than better since you'll drive potential friends away.
First thing: Talk to a therapist but do not become reliant upon them for treatment. Just do it to get your head straight, to give you some breathing room. Second thing: Go to bars or nightclubs or social gatherings of some kind, informal ones; social meeting places, basically. You'll feel awkward at first; that's normal. Go just for the sake of going. Meeting people will come naturally if you're just "in the zone." It won't happen instantly. Several outings like this will get you in a mindset of being out in society, even if you aren't participating in anything yet. From there you can start talking to people. Start with simple shit; current events, something that's happening that affects the people there, try to strike up a conversation. Talk to people; don't worry about WHAT to talk about, once you get a conversation going, just roll with it.
It'll help alleviate the loneliness considerably, trust me.
