Prayer?

[Reforged]

There appears to me to be three categories of prayer. In no particular order, one is the "help me find my car keys" type, which is actually related to the "help, I'm trapped in a burning building" form of prayer when a person finds themselves in dire straits. Out of the three kinds, this is the only one which can be said to have any practical benefit; not because of any divine intervention, but merely by taking a minute to catch your breath and allowing your subconscious to work on the problem, yielding the missing item or the solution to overcome the situation.

Next we have the social brinksmanship prayer which exists purely to allow a person to announce their intention to pray, or in other words to provide every form of help to someone short of actually providing any form of help. It can also carry the message that "I consider some aspect of your life to be broken and/or not up to my standards so I'm just letting you know how superior you make me feel."

The third type of prayer is the one which is relevant to the McCann scenario, the one born of desperation. It's the favourite of fundies who use it as the basis for their "no atheists in foxholes" canard. I can think of no better way of illustrating it than by your words: "Please God. I just want my little girl back. I know I've not been the best father in the world... there hasn't been a moment I haven't regreted letting her out my sight. My wife... she can't cope with any of this. Neither of us have slept for what feels like months. Without her... theres just no point for either us. If theres one thing, just one you do for me then let it be this... don't let her be gone... don't let her be dead. I don't care how, I don't care at what cost. Guide her back to me, I beg of you. Amen."

The person resorting to this category of prayer may not necessarily be expecting an actual intervention; it's a genuinely heartfelt expression of grief and loss and longing. Sadly, the response rate of such petitions is a result of pure random chance, all else being equal.

Or there's the prayer we should be praying: "Your will be done." If we conform our desires to God's will, our prayers will always be answered. It's healthier to change an outlook than it is to blindly hope for gifts. We need to meet God partway, becoming "Sons", rather than treating Him as an arbitrary vending machine.

... are you joking?
I mean I need to ask because that may well be one of the most unarguably idiotic things I've ever read.
It raises so many other questions like "What is Gods will?", "Wouldn't Gods will occur anyway?", "Whats the point in praying?", "How do you prove prayer has worked?", "Are you mentally handicapped?"
I'm having trouble taking this in, do you understand? I might well die from the overdose of stupidity that is coming through my screen.
My doctor kept warning me "Richie, Richie. For fuck sake. How many times are you going to humor complete morons? Its not doing your blood pressure any good. You're 22 and you have the arteries of a fucking 60 year old. Just take a break ok? Stop being so nice to them and let out alittle venom occasionally."
And I'm trying that right now but I've got to be honest, its not doing me much good because what you just suggested is *so* mindless, *so* retarded that I may well be able to find people in insane asylums who have discerned more sense by smearing indecipherable messages in their own feces on the walls of their padded cells.
You are an idiot is essentially the crux of what I am saying.