Prayer?

[Cyberman]

Or there's the prayer we should be praying: "Your will be done." If we conform our desires to God's will, our prayers will always be answered. It's healthier to change an outlook than it is to blindly hope for gifts. We need to meet God partway, becoming "Sons", rather than treating Him as an arbitrary vending machine.

That's just arse-kissing, which is to praying what Justin Bieber is to music. Remember the schooldays scene in Monty Python's Meaning of Life? Those of us who saw it, I mean. There's a chaplain-led prayer in the school assembly, along the lines of "Oh Lord, ooh you are so big, we're all really impressed down here I can tell you..."

But if you still want to cling onto the security blanket of your god's will (not to mention a god to have a will), then you cannot honestly dodge the following considerations:

I've often thought people treat God rather rudely, don't you? Asking trillions and trillions of prayers every day. Asking and pleading and begging for favors. Do this, gimme that, I need a new car, I want a better job. And most of this praying takes place on Sunday His day off. It's not nice. And it's no way to treat a friend.

But people do pray, and they pray for a lot of different things, you know, your sister needs an operation on her crotch, your brother was arrested for defecating in a mall. But most of all, you'd really like to fuck that hot little redhead down at the convenience store. You know, the one with the eyepatch and the clubfoot? Can you pray for that? I think you'd have to. And I say, fine. Pray for anything you want. Pray for anything, but what about the Divine Plan?

Remember that? The Divine Plan. Long time ago, God made a Divine Plan. Gave it a lot of thought, decided it was a good plan, put it into practice. And for billions and billions of years, the Divine Plan has been doing just fine. Now, you come along, and pray for something. Well suppose the thing you want isn't in God's Divine Plan? What do you want Him to do? Change His plan? Just for you? Doesn't it seem a little arrogant? It's a Divine Plan. What's the use of being God if every run-down shmuck with a two-dollar prayerbook can come along and fuck up Your Plan?

And here's something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? "Well, it's God's will." "Thy Will Be Done." Fine, but if it's God's will, and He's going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me! Couldn't you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? It's all very confusing.