Tis the Season of Bull Shit

[Cinjin]

That's right folks - a thread dedicated to anything and everything absurdly stupid about the stolen pagan holiday now known as Christmas.
Here in the good ole USA we have the horrible time-honored tradition of starting Christmas the day after Thanksgiving. Endless sanity-destroying christmas carols everywhere. Nativity scenes being pulled out of every fucktard's ass from coast to coast. Charities capitalizing on the guilt left behind from rampant violent consumerism. Christards pretending that every little event is suddenly a christmas miracle, and the list goes on and on and on.


I'm going to go ahead and start it out with this giant steaming turd of a christmas song called, Christmas Shoes and I promise to post regular christmas stupidity on a regular basis until the 25th of December mercifully passes us by only to torture us yet again next year.


Anyway, a horrible song called Christmas Shoes:





Lyrics (my thoughts in red):
It was almost Christmas time There I stood in another line Trying to buy that last gift or two
I'm really in the Christmas mood
Standing right in front of me Was a little boy waiting anxiously
Pacing around like little boys doAnd in his hands he held A pair of shoes

And his clothes were worn and old He was dirty from head to toe Really? A little on the verbose side with the Charles Dickens don't you think douche?
And when it came his time to pay
I couldn't believe what I heard him say Sir I wanna buy these shoes for my Momma please You couldn't believe a boy wants to buy his mom a present?

It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry Sir?
Daddy says there's not much time
You see, she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes will make her smile

And I want her to look beautiful
If Momma meets Jesus, tonight. Jesus don't give a shit, he's dead.
Besides, why not just ask jesus to save your mom instead of buying some lame ass shoes?? Oh that's right, nevermind

They counted pennies for what seem like years Pennies??? Again with the over the top Charles Dickenesque sob story.
And cashier says son there's not enough here
He searches his pockets frantically
And he turned and he looked at me
And he said Momma made Christmas good at our house
Most years she just did without Sure a little boy said THOSE words. Whatever.
Tell me Sir
What am I gonna do?
Some how I've got to buy her these Christmas shoes Translation: Don't you feel guilty, give me some money you fuck!

So I layed the money down
I just had to help him out once again, Jesus can't seem to even provide the poor with some fucking shoes.
And I'll never forget
The look on his face
When he said Mamma's gonna look so great.

Sir I wanna buy these shoes, for my Momma please
It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size shoes come in all sizes
Could you hurry Sir...

I knew I caught a glimpse of heavens love as he thanked me and ran out. Funny how people KNOW things that no one else can see.
I know that God had sent that little boy to remind me
What Christmas is all about ... stimulating the economy by buying presents for ungrateful bastards and absolving yourself of your selfishness by putting a dollar in the Salvation Army's pot in front of Walmart.

...
You see she's been sick for quite a while ...and my prayers haven't done jack shit
And I know these shoes will make her smile ... if she doesn't die first
And I want her to look beautiful
If Mamma meets Jesus tonight

I want her to look beautiful
If Mamma meets Jesus tonight Hey thanks for depressing the SHIT out of everyone during the holidays you sappy fuck.