Divorce and the kids

[Brakeman]

If humans were ducks? But, we aren't. There's a lot of difference between one person and the next. If love doesn't happen, then why stick it out?

Really?? You got married before love happened? Freaky.. (surely not)

There are things that skills can't fix. Then there are kids that have to witness broken pieces every day because the parents are too hard headed to know that divorce is wiser.

No, not getting married to the wrong person is wiser. Mr. Right can become Mr. Wrong when he is paired with Mrs. Wrong or vis-versa.
The trick is not to become Mrs. Wrong. Relationships are a dance but it becomes difficult to stay in step when you only see things from your own perspective. (again.. perhaps this doesn't apply to you?)

How can one learn skills to live in peace with someone that won't accept part of the responsibility of fixing a problem?

Assuming your husband is at least remotely sane, what is his motive for not wanting to please you? He probably worked hard to please you when you were first married, so why did he stop? This is the answer you need to know if you are going to stay with him or leave him and try to find love with another. Because something changed in your relationship in the early stages that you aren't recognizing, or else you would have understood the last sentence of my previous post. You have divorced yourself from him already, you just haven't left.

Some people, usually young people, love the image they see in their own eyes and imagine that the other person was just born with the perfect script of how to behave as their spouse, when in fact, they are as clueless as the other. Once the expectations start to fail to be met, the avalanche of bad behavior begins. Disappointment leads to hurt feelings, hurt feelings lead to spite, spite leads to acrimony, acrimony to emotional violence and sometimes physical violence. Both parties are always to blame, not always equally of course, but there is always failure on both sides. Those that do not understand history are doomed to repeat it.
Do you think you knew the real "him?" Did you have a problem seeing warning signs? If you saw them, how did you address them?

Some people talk, others have no clue how to do that. Some people are inclined to make the partner feel loved, others are clowns that love to bully. ..This whole time it was that easy. 8 years of blindness! Tell that to the women with black eyes. Tell that to the husbands of cheaters. Tell that to my broken furniture.

So you married a guy that never talked to you? Was it an arranged marriage or something? I assume it wasn't. So given that at least at first he talked to you, why was he discouraged to continue?

Despite your descriptions of him as a monster, he would have human motive just the same as you do. He may act inappropriately on them, with physical violence for example, but the base motive is normal. Most men with physically violent tendencies are expressing attempts to control their "loved one" out of frustration and insecurity. They typically also have surprisingly low self esteem issues. Was this something you saw earlier or did he develop these issues while with you? Did you ever ask if he felt secure with you?

Have you ever hit him? Honestly? If either of you have resorted to violence against each other, you need professional help. If he is hitting, he has a problem and he needs professional therapy to stop this, the same could apply to you.

I've never seen a completely one sided failed marriage. They may exist, but I've never seen one. As one who has had many courses on conflict resolution and dealing with difficult people, I care enough not to hand you platitudes but rather a push for self introspection, because even if you get him out of your life, you will still be dealing with your own deficiencies, be they behavior or discernment.

I do wish you the best and I hope that you can at least move back to cordial relations with your husband even if the marriage isn't to be saved. For the kids sake at least. Stubbornness is not a virtue and martyrs live terrible lives. Fix yourself back to a good metal attitude and refuse to accept any thoughts of low self worth for either of you. If you argue with him knowing that he is not worthless and the you are not worthless, the arguments will change tone. Propaganda and projected villainy are powerful mind tools. It caused otherwise nice Germans to hate and gas jews that had done no wrong. It can also self propagate in your mind and destroy everything you love. I'm not saying you are doing this, as I don't know you of course, but it does happen.
You can treat my questions as as rhetorical if you wish, as you may not want to give that much personal information to strangers on a forum, but I implore you to stand up, shake yourself off, admit any of your own short comings and try to correct them. Then convince yourself, and maybe him too, that he is crazy not to love someone as great as you and he should want to cooperate with you.

Good luck and keep your chin up!