(October 5, 2013 at 8:45 pm)Brakeman Wrote:(October 5, 2013 at 7:25 pm)Cthulhu Dreaming Wrote: No argument with the above except one point - sometimes it's one partner who's being a shithead and won't change. What then?
I know someone who was trapped in a marriage like that - and I've seen and heard enough of how he treats her 8 years after they split up to believe every word of what she's told me. (Some of you may recall the thread where I related the story of having to escort the creep from her home at the end of a baseball bat. Same guy).
So in that case, do you believe that the creep was a perfectly good guy, but then BANG, with no warning he became a megalomaniatic jerk? Or was it more likely that the other spouse ignored the huge warning flags and alarms because the "victim" imagined the creep to have been something he wasn't. Then as soon as the frustration came from her side, she closed up emotionally from him and this set his insecurity alarm off, and he thus began trying to manipulate and attack her in order to react to a situation he doesn't understand and didn't have a proper response to?
But of course, a guy like that needs major help and couldn't be a suitable spouse at all.
I have no doubt there was a great deal of wishful thinking on her part in the beginning. Beyond that I couldn't say. People exhibit bad judgment, and sometimes end up with children as a result.
The guy is pretty charming when he wants to be. In my unprofessional opinion, he's a sociopath.