Restoring Faith After a Challenge to It

[Searching4truth]

For me, it was viewed as a challenge to strengthen my faith. I remembered the Bible verse that says ' the one who endures to the end will be saved. I was trying to be strong for god to please him. When I would pray until my ears bled and they went unanswered, it would shake my faith.... particularly when a friend of mine died of cancer. My faith never was the same and I became so obsessed with justifying it through scripture that I studied harder than I've ever studied before. I began cross-researching between various religious and 'worldly' texts and saw the lies and the brain washing but even then I denied it to the 'T' I became agnostic and kept the delusion that god was real, he just couldn't be defined within religion. He can't be put into in to a box I would say. Push came to shove and I continued researching. I am now an atheist and make no qualms about it. I realize some people need these beliefs or think they do our else they'd be crushed so I keep my opinions to myself unless I'm asked or I witness a believer spewing fallacious statements. I feel stronger than I ever was as a Christian and more free. I feel like every day I have, no matter what I'm going through is a irreplaceable gift. I will never turn back. If I spend my whole life in the wrong, and I come to those pearly gates, if god is as the Bible says, he won't deny me. if he does, I can't spend eternity in paradise knowing that people are eternally suffering.