[NB: The following is NOT original work. It was emailed to me without attribution]
-Ten minutes before it the service starts, find a kid in the front row, hand him a dollar, and tell him to ask the preacher: 'Would you rather be stoned or crucified?'
-Dress all in black, or in camouflage. Act like you're having flashbacks.
-If it is an Easter service, wear a pastel jacket, tie, and matching
shorts. If you are male, wear a floral-print dress instead.
-At a church dinner, scoop up a forkful of mashed potatoes. Announce
that you can see an image of Jesus.
-Mark places in the Bible or hymnal with religious-themed Far Side
cartoons.
-Turn in the Bible to the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20: 3-17). Pencil in the words 'in bed' after each one.
-Snicker every time the preacher talks about someone being stoned,
especially Stephen.
-Dip communion wafers in communion wine. Eat it and exaggerate on how good it is.
-When they pass around the collection plate, drop in a piece of paper
with Pat Robertson's MasterCard number.
-Turn to your neighbor, whisper: 'This do in remembrance of me,' and lick them.
-Fart, and have a friend shout: 'Hark! An angel hath spoken!'
-Ask someone what they think about the Book of Peloponnesians. After they tell you, inform them that there is no Book of Peloponnesians.
Boru
-Ten minutes before it the service starts, find a kid in the front row, hand him a dollar, and tell him to ask the preacher: 'Would you rather be stoned or crucified?'
-Dress all in black, or in camouflage. Act like you're having flashbacks.
-If it is an Easter service, wear a pastel jacket, tie, and matching
shorts. If you are male, wear a floral-print dress instead.
-At a church dinner, scoop up a forkful of mashed potatoes. Announce
that you can see an image of Jesus.
-Mark places in the Bible or hymnal with religious-themed Far Side
cartoons.
-Turn in the Bible to the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20: 3-17). Pencil in the words 'in bed' after each one.
-Snicker every time the preacher talks about someone being stoned,
especially Stephen.
-Dip communion wafers in communion wine. Eat it and exaggerate on how good it is.
-When they pass around the collection plate, drop in a piece of paper
with Pat Robertson's MasterCard number.
-Turn to your neighbor, whisper: 'This do in remembrance of me,' and lick them.
-Fart, and have a friend shout: 'Hark! An angel hath spoken!'
-Ask someone what they think about the Book of Peloponnesians. After they tell you, inform them that there is no Book of Peloponnesians.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
