Jesus should have been a king.

[Tonus]

It's awful self-righteous to preach to the poor and the downtrodden from a position of power.

"One of us. One of us. One of us."

That's not a problem, though, since he was GOD. That's like being a package of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups that never runs out. You're damned right that's a position of power. If I had infinite RPBCs I'd be insufferably self-righteous.

In any case, what god did was put on a human costume and prance around and make fun of us. First he got a lady pregnant before his own balls even dropped. Then he was doing stuff that humans can't do (but he could, because he was really god wearing a human costume, tee-hee!) like walk on water and cure blindness. Then he was all like "lol go ahead, whip me and crucify me and see if I give a shit!" And then when they did all that he napped for three days and then was all like "BAM! I'm back!"

Then, instead of just taking off the costume and making himself king of the world and fixing everything right then and there, he was all like "later guys, gonna grab some popcorn and watch you all fumble around like retards until I'm ready to return lol." And he floated off on a cloud, just to remind us one last time that boy, it really sucks to not be god. Everyone was so pissed that it took like 70 years before they could even bring themselves to write anything about him.

But honest, he does sound like he'd be a cool guy to hang out with, as long as you are one of his tight homies.