Trying to understand evolution

[JDepps]

I'm in a frustrating place right now. I wish I could just move on because I doubt I will ever get the answers I am looking for. But while many can just live there life without answers I cannot. I think a lot of it stems off being brought up in a Christian home and school. Living in that environment and believing in it for so long and than opening your eyes to the deception and lies....it just filled me with hate. And now it's like I can't move on until I get real answers which I know won't happen. But every single day my mind goes back and forth. And deep, deep down there will always be some part of me that believes in God. Its something I want too, but can't shake off. I guess one my biggest questions with any religion or theory is how did it begin? No matter what or who, something was here first. I could never believe in the Big Bang because how can it just appear. But than I as myself how is that any different than God just appearing. It's honestly eating me away; God, Evolution, Big Bang, etc....it gives me a migraine.