Help, I need someone to talk to

[TheGamingAtheist]

I need some help. I'm having a moral crisis right now. Please hear me out, even though it's long.

I recently came out to my mother after almost a year of keeping the secret, hoping that they wouldn't hit me or disown me like they did in my nightmares. And then my mother laughed in my face. Well, figuratively.

She rambled for a few minutes about believing without proof, told me I was still young, that she didn't believe me, and that if someone told me to pray then I would have to. She told me that if I was serious in 5 years, maybe she would "think about it". Then, as my rage began building up, she smiled.

"Don't worry about it." she said.

Being shy, self-conscious me, I was crushed, but I had very low self-esteem and assumed my mother was correct. I watched the calendar for July 2nd, 2019 and went back to my life. But then I wondered if maybe I was right. And then I started to get mad.

I'm pretty sure she didn't even tell my dad. She must have assumed it was "just a phase."

I have never been more serious about anything in my life. Before I came out I was scared, I thought my life would change, I was going into depression and wishing I wasn't an atheist. By the time I built up the courage to come out I was really hopeful that I wouldn't have to hide anymore. Maybe I could even tell my two atheist friends, and we could talk about it. And then... well, my mom crushed my hopes.

What do I do? I really want to confront her but I'm scared the real her will come out and she'll yell at me, hate me, make all my friends and everyone I know hate me too.

I love her. She always told me she would always love me, but now my anxious brain is wondering if that's really true. I would love it if my whole family was atheist, but that can't happen. At least I want her to know I'm serious, even though I'm "only" in high school...

Please help me. I really hope that people on this forum are as nice, helpful, and understanding as they seem. I'm feeling really alone right now.

Coming out as an atheist isn't something you HAVE to do. By the sounds of it, you're still very dependent on your mother, or parents, and will continue to need their support and finances in life. When you're more of an adult and have a work ethic with a full time job that you can support yourself with then maybe that's the best time. Don't give her the upper hand. If you're in her house though, it's her rules.