I have been to some ultra-tense funerals for my friends that have passed from AIDS. Back in the 80s the family members were (usually) mortified a brother/husband/son had died of AIDS, and having a passel of their gay friends at the service was a further excruciating aspect of the death.
I was a pallbearer for Brian, and his family had come around amazingly well to the gay aspect when he died, unfortunately, the family's Baptist minister had not, and he said an awful thing during the service. Brian's mom apologized to all of Brian's gay friends afterwards, she was a real class act even her faith is a cult of bigoted intolerance.
I've been to several funerals were there were ex-wives and kids of my gay friends. Usually the former families first exposure to the gay world of the their dad/husband was at the funeral when surviving partner and their 100 gay friends showed up. (surviving gay partners were usually ignored during the planning of the funerals back then)
Chris passed away quickly enough after moving back from the west coast to be cared for by his family that none of us even knew he was ill, let alone died. His family didn't contact anyone in Chris's gay circle of local friends and none of us knew he died till his obit was in the paper.
The websites with cemetery information have been a blessing, we've been able to find several of our friends resting places when the families never contacted any of us.
My annoyance with Chris's family was tempered when I found his, he was buried next to a brother he had never mentioned to any of us; his folks had lost 2 sons before either hit 30.
I've had a couple cousins do very low key funerals, and those seem to be more personal and memorable. Cousin Jo had been bitten by a poisonous snake in AZ, and none of us up north ever knew about it. When her friends were discussing it, and how the snake had failed to survive the experience I realized my cousin had led a far more interesting life than I ever suspected. I cherish the chance to meet her friends and see her through their eyes, she was VERY different in RL than most all of us 'stay at homes' (not that I am one myself) ever suspected.
I was a pallbearer for Brian, and his family had come around amazingly well to the gay aspect when he died, unfortunately, the family's Baptist minister had not, and he said an awful thing during the service. Brian's mom apologized to all of Brian's gay friends afterwards, she was a real class act even her faith is a cult of bigoted intolerance.
I've been to several funerals were there were ex-wives and kids of my gay friends. Usually the former families first exposure to the gay world of the their dad/husband was at the funeral when surviving partner and their 100 gay friends showed up. (surviving gay partners were usually ignored during the planning of the funerals back then)
Chris passed away quickly enough after moving back from the west coast to be cared for by his family that none of us even knew he was ill, let alone died. His family didn't contact anyone in Chris's gay circle of local friends and none of us knew he died till his obit was in the paper.
The websites with cemetery information have been a blessing, we've been able to find several of our friends resting places when the families never contacted any of us.
My annoyance with Chris's family was tempered when I found his, he was buried next to a brother he had never mentioned to any of us; his folks had lost 2 sons before either hit 30.
I've had a couple cousins do very low key funerals, and those seem to be more personal and memorable. Cousin Jo had been bitten by a poisonous snake in AZ, and none of us up north ever knew about it. When her friends were discussing it, and how the snake had failed to survive the experience I realized my cousin had led a far more interesting life than I ever suspected. I cherish the chance to meet her friends and see her through their eyes, she was VERY different in RL than most all of us 'stay at homes' (not that I am one myself) ever suspected.
The granting of a pardon is an imputation of guilt, and the acceptance a confession of it.
