What you're feeling is natural. You've been in an environment where certain innocuous actions and even thoughts have the threat of heavy punishment attached to them.
The best advice I can give is to just think it through. When you start feeling that sort of anxiety, stop and examine it. Do you really think what you're doing is wrong? Do you think it's so bad that you need to repent, lest you get tortured for eternity for it? Do you think that, in the vastness of the universe, some god would actually give a shit about what you do on this microscopic speck of a mud ball? Or that Bronze-to-Iron Age camel fuckers actually had any real wisdom to give to us? Or that a fair god would dole out eternal punishment for finite crimes? Or that the 'crimes' are really crimes? Etc.
That's what I do. I've been a confirmed (meaning, finally admitting it to myself) atheist for just under 14 years, and I still get those rare pangs of anxiety that I'm doing something wrong when I'm really not. And I don't come from a particularly religious family. It's just something woven into the background of society, and it's hard to escape. And when I feel that way, I go through the kinds of questions I wrote above, and I always feel better and more secure in what I do and don't believe. Because superstition cannot survive the light of logic and reason. It preys on the unsure and fearful, exploiting what lies in the shadows of our minds. So, shine your light and remove those shadows.
The best advice I can give is to just think it through. When you start feeling that sort of anxiety, stop and examine it. Do you really think what you're doing is wrong? Do you think it's so bad that you need to repent, lest you get tortured for eternity for it? Do you think that, in the vastness of the universe, some god would actually give a shit about what you do on this microscopic speck of a mud ball? Or that Bronze-to-Iron Age camel fuckers actually had any real wisdom to give to us? Or that a fair god would dole out eternal punishment for finite crimes? Or that the 'crimes' are really crimes? Etc.
That's what I do. I've been a confirmed (meaning, finally admitting it to myself) atheist for just under 14 years, and I still get those rare pangs of anxiety that I'm doing something wrong when I'm really not. And I don't come from a particularly religious family. It's just something woven into the background of society, and it's hard to escape. And when I feel that way, I go through the kinds of questions I wrote above, and I always feel better and more secure in what I do and don't believe. Because superstition cannot survive the light of logic and reason. It preys on the unsure and fearful, exploiting what lies in the shadows of our minds. So, shine your light and remove those shadows.
"I was thirsty for everything, but blood wasn't my style" - Live, "Voodoo Lady"
