101 uses for Bible

[Quest of knowledge]

#94 As a tool for Christians who want to combat sleeplessness. It works for them when they try to read it.

#95 To announce that a party is over and that people need to leave. Simply start reading any part of it aloud. It’s a great party pooper.

#95 To get rid of your visiting mother-in-law. Just read it aloud while pacing around her like a fricking preacher.

# 96 To feed hungry believers. The pages are made of rice paper. Recipe: tear some pages right along the spine of the bible. Set the pages at the sun. Cut them into bite size pieces. Offer them on a small plate to Christians who would appreciate this version of rice crispees as a type of “spiritual nourishment”.

# 97 Door mat.

#98 A money-grab tool. Stand at a corner downtown and read passages of the “book of freaks” where it says that you should give to the poor and against being wealthy, and about “the camel through the eye of a needle” bull shit (camel shit in this case).

# 99 Kitty litter

# 100 Mulch

# 101 To resurface sidewalks in the bible belt.

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#92 a good self defense weapon nothing like taking your hard covered bible and slamming your assailant in the face with a bit of "divine truth".

Dirnis had #92. "I believe" you are #93.