Hostage to fear

[Jenny A]

Hi, I can't address the fear of hell part of this because thought I was raised in a Christian household, hellfire was not denied so much as politely ignored, like grandmother's farts.  And I never actually believed.

This.  And me too!

What I get absolutely is the fear of hurting Christian relatives by telling.  I also get that the church can be an important social place and that parts of it can and are good for some people.  But, perpetually lying is good for no one, you included.  It doesn't do good things for your sense of well being, integrity, or self respect and it won't do good things for your relationship with the people you are lying to whether it's your wife or your kids.  And pretending to believe what you do not is lying.

I told my wife today that if this is how a closeted gay person feels before coming out... my fervor for tolerance in society has increased infinitely.

I would be lying to you if I said it won't matter to your wife.  It will matter.  It certainly mattered to my parents when I told them and it still matters to my mother.  She alternates between willfully forgetting and attempting conversion and it's been a good 35 years now. . .  But she's still my Mom and we still love each other.  I suspect that if you tell your wife and you don't vilify Jesus in the process that the results may be similar.

Already had the conversation.  She supports me!  True-motha-f'ing-love ... for the win!

Thanks for your reply!!!!!!!

You're very, very, welcome.  I'm glad it turned out well.  Love is a wondrous thing.