Hostage to fear

[Spacetime]

Wouldn't it depend on the question?

I might quote a chunk of the Catechism if someone asked me a doctrinal question. I might give you my opinion if you ask what I think of Pope Francis.

Tell you what, I promise not to quote the Catechism in any of our exchange. I might still offer a thoroughly Catholic response to a question (and why wouldn't I if the question requires it), but I won't beat you over the head with encyclicals, etc.

Deal?

You talk. I'll listen for starters.

Very well... I'll go to this then...

Let me start with how I would talk to someone in my own Church if we were having fellowship over beers following liturgy (as men often do at my Church);

The bible mentions belief as though it were a choice. I've found that my Christian identity is wholly wrapped up in trying (desperately) to believe, when I simply have not been convinced. A positive affirmation of belief "on" Christ Jesus would be a lie in my case... something that very doctrine prohibits. What I do believe is that I've made tremendous effort in trying to believe, by investigating the faith. Without deconstructing this paragraph, please address this over all point; If belief is a choice and there is evidence that this belief is convincing and rational, why hasn't this evidence rationally convinced me to believe? Especially when I'm not ignorant to it... down to its most specific points.

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I know right where you stand because I was in the same position one year ago. I am still a somewhat closeted atheist. Hell, I even attend church and play on our worship team for goodness' sake! My wife is still a confident believer although her belief rests on absolutely no theology whatsoever. She wants to raise our two boys that way also,  which I have conceded to, for now. If I can offer any advice, it's to keep reading, keep learning and time will eventually dispel the last of your worries. Even though my indoctrination ran deep I now have almost complete confidence that there is not a god. And if there is, let him/her change my mind. He/she would know what it would take. 

Yea, man. I even told my wife "If you want to continue going to church and praying as a family, I'm down. However, I need to live as a agnostic / deist openly in the house." She agreed. In fact, in the last few days that she's known this about me... we've had a much more open relationship than we did before.

Being a parent, I'm not going to let anyone preach hell fire to my children, absolutely never.

Thank you for your words of advice. I am taking them to heart.