Hostage to fear

[Spacetime]

Thank you. And my apologies for not getting back to you sooner.

In some threads, I argue what I believe are basic historical and theological facts. This probably won't be one of those threads, because I don't think you need more facts. Fair enough?

In the OP of your "Hostage to Fear" thread, you wrote:

see above

Your issues include:

The problem of evil.
The Bible is a collection of fables.
Supernatural miracles cannot occur.
Biology precludes virgin births and resurrections.

It sounds like you have everything figured out...there's not much I can say that you'll actually hear at this point. You're caught up in the white-hot passion of the newly converted (it goes both ways), so who am I to throw water onto the fire that's burning inside you? It could take years before it dies down to nothing but ashes. Only then...maybe...will you realize that the heart(h) has grown cold.

You also ask me not to deconstruct the paragraph above and to address the overall point. Okay, I just need an honest self-assessment:...and we can do this by PM if you prefer because there is going to be a LOT of static from other posters.

I gather from what you've written in your posts that you were striving mightily to please others (parents? spouse? other church members? the ideal you had of being a "good" parent?), but can you honestly say that you ever WANTED to be a follower of Christ?

Yes or no? Why or why not?

I have a whole long paragraph copy/pasted onto a notepad file referencing your post here, but please... let's get back to the original inquiry and not answer questions with questions. You agreed to answer this... though today, you've not provided an answer...

I'll pose it here again...

The bible mentions belief as though it were a choice. I've found that my Christian identity is wholly wrapped up in trying (desperately) to believe, when I simply have not been convinced. A positive affirmation of belief "on" Christ Jesus would be a lie in my case... something that very doctrine prohibits. What I do believe is that I've made tremendous effort in trying to believe, by investigating the faith. Without deconstructing this paragraph, please address this over all point; If belief is a choice and there is evidence that this belief is convincing and rational, why hasn't this evidence rationally convinced me to believe? Especially when I'm not ignorant to it... down to its most specific points.