RE: Hostage to fear
July 17, 2015 at 8:11 am
(This post was last modified: July 17, 2015 at 8:12 am by Nope.)
I stopped going to that church and grew interested in Catholicism. RC gets a lot of bad press but compared to fundamentalist Baptist, it is liberal. I liked that the RC church said that nonbelievers stand a chance of going to heaven. The Catholic concept of moral and venial sin made sense to me. We started attending a Catholic Church but there was simply too many questions that I couldn't stop asking.
One day, my oldest son started an online relationship with a girl. She came to stay in our house for a few days so we could meet her. She seemed very immature and spoiled but I assumed the romance would blow over. When my 19 year old son told me his girlfriend was pregnant and that they wanted to get married, I was disappointed and worried. Try as I might, I could not help comparing my reaction to my son doing something I considered wrong with how bible god reacts when people do wrong. Not only did I not expect or want my son to apologize but I had no desire for him to suffer much less for him to be tortured. His wife makes him happy and that is good enough for me. The realization that I was a better parent than my god sounded blasphemous to me but I couldn't stop myself from judging god.
On the floor I would lay on my face and beg god to help me retain my faith. Nothing. When I finally called myself an atheist, I felt relief. I had no control over my lack of beliefs or the series of questions that I could no longer hold at bay.
Belief is not a choice. Some people seem inclined to believe in something. Maybe they need easy answers to complex problems. I don't think that makes them stupid. They are probably reacting to a need that I simply don't have anymore. I sort of wonder if religion wasn't my way of dealing with an abusive childhood. Once my mom died, I didn't need faith any longer so my brain let me know that I could move beyond faith(hopefully that my sense). The pregnancy of my son's girlfriend was just the catalyst that got the ball rolling for me to admit that I no longer needed religion
One day, my oldest son started an online relationship with a girl. She came to stay in our house for a few days so we could meet her. She seemed very immature and spoiled but I assumed the romance would blow over. When my 19 year old son told me his girlfriend was pregnant and that they wanted to get married, I was disappointed and worried. Try as I might, I could not help comparing my reaction to my son doing something I considered wrong with how bible god reacts when people do wrong. Not only did I not expect or want my son to apologize but I had no desire for him to suffer much less for him to be tortured. His wife makes him happy and that is good enough for me. The realization that I was a better parent than my god sounded blasphemous to me but I couldn't stop myself from judging god.
On the floor I would lay on my face and beg god to help me retain my faith. Nothing. When I finally called myself an atheist, I felt relief. I had no control over my lack of beliefs or the series of questions that I could no longer hold at bay.
Belief is not a choice. Some people seem inclined to believe in something. Maybe they need easy answers to complex problems. I don't think that makes them stupid. They are probably reacting to a need that I simply don't have anymore. I sort of wonder if religion wasn't my way of dealing with an abusive childhood. Once my mom died, I didn't need faith any longer so my brain let me know that I could move beyond faith(hopefully that my sense). The pregnancy of my son's girlfriend was just the catalyst that got the ball rolling for me to admit that I no longer needed religion
