Hostage to fear

[Spacetime]

I'm 55, and I went to Georgia Tech, so I had a very technical education. But thank you...I think.  

Just out of curiosity, what denomination were you? I can't remember if I already asked that...sorry. I'm not sure what an anti-Calvinist is...seems like that would be just about everyone else! Were you Baptist or Presbyterian? It sounds like your experience was kinda "performance-based" - trying to please God - and not really based on knowing God's love and forgiveness. Or am I wrong?

Also, was the problem of suffering the first chink in your "armor" or the last straw for you?

In light of what you've revealed about yourself, please, take that as a compliment! lol I know, a low blow... meant as a lightly as possible, given your frailty in age! JUST KIDDING!

In all seriousness, and to answer your questions;

I was raised in a non-denominational Church, and worked my way through the gamut of reformed theology. I found my Church in Iraq and Kurdistan, a land and people that has half of my heart. There I found Eastern Orthodox Catholicism. It is a long story, and without arguing point by point, the specifics of faith, this ...or the Church had (has) my heart. Here are a people, suffering for their faith, in real persecution. Here are the writings preserved from the earliest Christian Church as homily to the scriptures. Pleasing, working, impressing... all are antediluvian to the faith Christ taught. And I found that authentic faith in Orthodox Catholicism.

Given what Orthodox Catholicism is, I cannot defend personally... but I can as a shadow of itself, if you're interested. It's a really interesting faith. Worth knowing wholly.

The problem of suffering was the beginning of my faith (I am strongly focused on the human condition as a whole... from childhood), and also the first thing that lead to my deconversion.

Thank you for being forthright. You'll find no criticism here, as long as we meet as honest men.