If you were ever a theist...

[MTL]

I was raised Baptist, in a strict, devout home.

I could not avoid the conclusion that Religion is far too full, far too often, of unholy things,
for me to ever be able to believe that it serves a Holy being.

The good things do NOT offset the bad things.

I also see how much the religions have in common with each other,
yet they all ultimately dismiss each other as heresy,
each asserting their way is the only right way

...that's a big red flag.

The only belief structure that stands out to me as remotely logical is Deism.

Believing in God,

...yet acknowledging that religious DOGMA is the unnecessary, unfounded, dangerous, arrogant and highly flawed human practice
of placing parameters onto that God,
and therefore questioning the legitimacy of all so-called Holy Writs, so-called Prophets, so-called Saviours,
and so-called concepts of Sin.

If I could conclusively say that I believed in God, then I'd be a Deist.

I'd reject all religious dogma as man-made, arrogant Heresy...because it claims to speak for God.

I don't really have any problem with Deism.

Simple belief in God,
without any Dogma or Religious bullshit,
is like a snake defanged,
or a skunk with it's scent glands removed.

it's more or less harmless.
But asking people to believe that one book or another speaks for god,
or that God needs Prophets to speak to mankind...that is the stinky, dangerous part.


(However, I can't personally even conclusively say I belief or don't believe,
so I am Agnostic).

After a brief stint into looking at Islam/Sufism, I then explored Deism. A god who is a Creator, yet a distant one...and no personal relationship type of thing. It has often been said that if atheists weren't atheists, the next best thing is deism. lol 

The dogma of religion, yes...I don't follow all that anymore. Christianity doesn't need to be a prison, think that people lock themselves up in religions, and it doesn't bring them much joy. What is the point if what you are following is void of joy?

Agnostic is good if you are unsure. Hope you are at peace with your beliefs, that is most important.

Being Agnostic, at least to me, does not mean "unsure about God's existence".

It means "God's existence is unknown".

That is NOT the same thing.

After all:  not even the most devout Theist can really be "sure".

(If we could be sure about God's existence, "faith" wouldn't be so integral to religion;
Faith is BELIEVING without KNOWING).

IMO, too many people make the mistake of regarding Agnosticism as "fence-sitters".

Here is my response to that:

Some Agnostics may simply be fence-sitters...true.

However, for me, it means something very different.

As I see it,

Fence-sitting is for cowards who are afraid to pick a side...they are waiting to see who wins.

Rather, by contrast, I regard my Agnosticism as walking down the centre line of a long, long road,
...aiming to hopefully find Truth at the end of it.

This is an important distinction.

It is far from cowardly.  It is hard work.

Sitting along one side of the road I have Theists, urging me to sit down and rest myself on their side,
because it will make me feel better.

(Now, "feeling better", to me, is a selfish purpose to believe in God.

If God exists, we are supposed to serve Him primarily for HIS GLORY...not our own comfort.

Besides, any God who has to bribe...or threaten...people,
with promises of Eternal Life, or conversely, Eternal Hellfire,
is not a God worth His salt).

Anyway,

On the other side of the road, are the Atheists
...some of whom are snubbing me as "Atheist Lite" or "noncommittal" or "almost there".

Sadly, they also misunderstand:

I am not Agnostic because I'm afraid to commit to "full Atheism";
I am Agnostic because I think it is the only response with any real integrity:
there are lots of reasons to think God doesn't exist
(and few reasons to think He does),
but no definite proof one way or another;

So while I favour the Atheist perspective;
I continue to regard His existence is an unproven theory, that is all.

So:

It is actually more emotionally challenging to be Agnostic, than Atheist, IMO.

Don't you think it would be EASIER for me to simply choose a side??

No human being likes being in the dark about something important;

Consider the sad example of a parent whose child has been missing for years:

The parent feels a need for closure, to move on....yet they are conflicted: 
they feel racked with guilt for even wanting  closure,

...since getting closure might mean either finding out conclusively that their child is deceased,
or at least relinquishing all hope of their survival.

But it is human to want closure; to want a definite answer.

As an Agnostic, I am no exception:

I also would get much satisfaction from decisively putting the question of God's existence to rest.

But I can't.  So I won't.  I won't pull the wool over my own eyes.

I refuse to take "comfort" or the path that is "easy" over the pursuit of the TRUTH;

No one said the Truth was easy.