(January 2, 2016 at 12:36 pm)loganonekenobi Wrote: Like most i was raised to be Christian at a young age. So by age 7 i gave my oath to Jesus. My life at the time was not good. My parents had me by accident and so got married out of obligation instead of love. I wasn't abused but I could tell I wasn't wanted either. Feelings of love, comfort, and self esteem where absent in my childhood.
My only real prayer to this god was that i could somehow feel at least somewhat good about my life. 7 years latter (age 14) I'm holding a kitchen knife and wondering why couldn't this god at least answer this one prayer. Would hell receive me any better if I ended my life?
The other part of the Christian downfall for me was my observation of other "Christians" . I was taught that a Christian should try to be loving and compassionate to every one. I tried and sometimes failed but I always tried to reconcile to anyone I treated badly. Yet i would see others that would go to church and/or bible camp and would act with what I could only describe as wanton evil with no regrets and no thought as to the love and compassion that they where taught.
i saw no evidence that a divine hand was present in any one's actions that could not also be normal human.
I threw everything away that I had been taught(as opposed to ending it all) and started looking for other spiritual/phillisophical paths. I found Wicca. I tried that with all my heart and ....it worked. I felt a deep connection to.... well i could only describe it as all of reality. It was amazing. For the first time in my life i didn't hate myself.
It didn't last but it made me realize that I was not born guilty of anything. I came to understand that I am perfect as a human being if only I realize that. I found that I am part of this reality just as everyone and everything else is. To understand that is to find true compassion and the real reason behind morals. At least for me.
I could go on but for now I will just say that after all that the Christian has the audacity to then tell me that I chose the wrong path. They tell me in several different ways such as shunning, attacking, and relentless coerscion. Can you imagine going through what I have and experiencing this sort of thing from what should be fellow human beings.
I'm sorry you have been treated poorly by Christians who lack compassion, etc. People still need to make choices in how to treat others. It's unfortunate for people who claim to be believers, that they feel they are somehow better than those who are not believers. Obviously, that's not true. When I left Christianity, I lost a few (who I thought) were dear friends of mine. But, they weren't. Interestingly, my atheist friends offline and online judge me far less for my coming back to faith, than my Christian 'friends' did when I left it.
Your story is one of courage, and you have come a very long way, that is amazing. I appreciate you sharing what led you to where you are, and your present beliefs.
