Anxiety/Depression/Mental Illness Support

[reverendjeremiah]

Contemplation. Too often thoughts are considered mental illness. Thoughts that become obsessive or damaging to the person's life are potentially mental illness. Passing thoughts typically are not.

Thanks..I figured it was nothing big as long as it wasnt an obsession.

Still, there are so many views on what is and is not mentally healthy out there it is hard to tell.

Im a mechanical man...I have no knowledge of mental health. I have knowledge of electricity, wires and machinery.

[Faith No More]

That's the point of this thread, dude. You're allowed to whine.

I know, but there's still a nagging voice in the back of my head that says, "suck it up pussy!"

[Jackalope]

Shell - thanks for starting this.

One of the things that I have found in my long struggle with mental issues is that oftentimes I feel very, very alone in it and that no one else can possibly understand what it feels like.

The past year has been particularly difficult for me - it feels at times that I just can't get a break. The first part of the year was a struggle against suicidal ideation. I was hospitalized for a while in April and May for my own safety (voluntarily) and after some time, a new outlook on life, and new found enthusiasm for therapy, things were looking up. My physical health took a turn for the worse in October, and I've been off work since.

Being at home sick alone most of the time isn't something that's mentally healthy for me, and I've noticed old thought patterns and behaviors creeping back in. I'm finding myself forgetting important things (did I take my medication today, or didn't I?), my sleep is severely disrupted, my emotions are fragile, and I find myself thinking "those" thoughts again. I don't trust my memory or perceptions - I find myself remembering events that didn't really happen, and forgetting some that did.

I agree with Cinjin - sometimes I think it would be better to be blissfully ignorant.

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That's the point of this thread, dude. You're allowed to whine.

I know, but there's still a nagging voice in the back of my head that says, "suck it up pussy!"

That's the voice of self-judgement, and it is not your friend.

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Contemplation. Too often thoughts are considered mental illness. Thoughts that become obsessive or damaging to the person's life are potentially mental illness. Passing thoughts typically are not.

Once a person reaches a point to where they are thinking about methods, timelines, and making plans, they've crossed over to where it has become a mental health emergency and should be treated as such.

I agree, I don't think passing thoughts are usually much to be concerned about. In my view, it is not even so much the thoughts of suicide per se that are the problem - it is the inability to see other solutions to the problem.

I go through cycles where suicide is only a passing thought, and I recognize it for what it is, and can eliminate suicide as a viable option quickly. On the other end of the spectrum, there are times when the thought consumes me. It's not just an option, it's a inevitable certainty, or as I said to my therapist on one such occasion, "I know how this story ends."

[Shell B]

Alei, I wish you the best of luck with that. Keep us updated!

Chtulhu, that really is the worst. I know it sounds stupid, but watch a lot of old favorite, familiar movies. Sometimes it is comforting for me. Old books are the same. They seem to bring me back to a place where I felt good.

[Napoléon]

I get stressed a lot.

[Shell B]

Me too.

[LastPoet]

I thought about suicide 2 times before, when I was deeply addicted to heroin, the first time I had my dad's shotgun pointed at my chin and was crying, trying to reach the trigger, but then I tought: "what a fucking looser I am, always trying to take the easy way out, fuck, I will not this time". The second time was after my best friend (who I wanted to be my girlfriend, never got around to say it) died in my arms of injected bad heroin, I got arrested because I didn't want for th coroners to take her, I planned to OD out after her funeral, but I rationalized: "Fuck, I can't go out now, I wanna see what more life has to throw at me, do your worse, bitch!"

Now 10+ years, looking back at all that madness, after picking up most of the pieces, I find it amazing how long have I came. Do I feel sad? Occasionally, and its something that is perfectly normal to be sad sometimes. The trick is to not embrace it, thinking instead of ways to fix the cause, instead of lingering in darkness. Its been working for me, but Its a delicate balance.

[Faith No More]

One of my coping mechanisms was to embrace my saddness and it quickly became my 'comfort' zone, in the sense that I felt most comfortable with myself when I was in a saddened state. This of course leads to all kinds of self destructive behavior, but as I said, this was where I was comfortable. After the deaths of two friends and a brush with the law, I finally decided to get my shit straight, and as anyone who has done this can tell you it's a long process. I need to get off drugs and bring some structure in my life. I had to be proactive against my depression.

After about two years of making headway, I found myself feeling somewhat normal. Suddenly I felt lost in my own body and didn't recognize myself. Also, all that comfort from saddness was gone. I felt like I was walking a tight rope without a net under it. I no longer resembled the person I was before, and could this lack of self-identity derail my progress? Fortunately, I didn't give up and discovered the hew me that wasn't depressed. I regained my self-identity, but it was entirely unrecognizable to my identity I had previously when I was depressed. No I feel somewhat normal and am not uncomfortable in my own skin.

Just thought I'd share a bit about my recovery process and show others that it can be done and is well worth it.

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That's the voice of self-judgement, and it is not your friend

That little bastard will always be with those that have depression. It's hard to tell yourself that you're truly ill when it's just your emotions that get to you, and the voice of self-judgement feeds on that.

[Jackalope]

After about two years of making headway, I found myself feeling somewhat normal. Suddenly I felt lost in my own body and didn't recognize myself. Also, all that comfort from saddness was gone. I felt like I was walking a tight rope without a net under it. I no longer resembled the person I was before, and could this lack of self-identity derail my progress? Fortunately, I didn't give up and discovered the hew me that wasn't depressed. I regained my self-identity, but it was entirely unrecognizable to my identity I had previously when I was depressed.

This describes pretty well what I've felt as well too, I just haven't been able to put words to it. Thanks for sharing this, FNM.

That's the voice of self-judgement, and it is not your friend

That little bastard will always be with those that have depression. It's hard to tell yourself that you're truly ill when it's just your emotions that get to you, and the voice of self-judgement feeds on that.

Yes, that is true. It takes constant vigilance to remind yourself that the little fucker is lying to you, and that listening to him is destructive.

[Napoléon]

I find that laughter is a good healer.