Relationship

[nyc88]

Okay so I am currently in a serious relationship with a Jewish person and I am growing increasingly concerned with the hypocrisy he continues to throw at me. I mean, he claims he doesn't know if he believes in god, however, he claims he would die for his religion. He constantly makes me feel as though I am not fulfilling him as he originally claimed he wanted a Jewish wife and family. (My ancestry is Christian though I couldn't care less) I originally was okay with the idea, however, as we continue to get closer to the next step in our relationship, I really feel that it would be unfair to raise my children in a Jewish household raising them under a philosophy that I don't believe in myself, especially when it comes to the fact that he doesn't either (I think he simply wants to because he feels its part of his heritage; though I still don't think that's an excuse).

Anyways, the reason I am bringing this up is because an incident the other day. I am very passionate about architecture and especially religious architecture, I wanted to visit a cathedral in our town simply for its aesthetic beauty and it struck me that he was acting uncomfortable to enter the church and told me he wasn't supposed to enter as a Jew and I would not be allowed to either if I converted. I laughed at him and told him to get his ass in. Later we were walking around a Pier One when I saw a cross that looked pretty (purely decorative value) and he said he would not allow any crosses in our home. It really irked me. Whenever he says stuff like that it just makes me dislike religion even more and it makes him look so ignorant in my opinion.

Anyways, I just wanted to know if anyone else has been through a similar situation. If so, what did you end up doing to solve the issue? Thanks!!!

[Minimalist]

he claims he would die for his religion.

This is not a good sign.


Otherwise, no. Most of the Jews I have met...I grew up in NY...were ethnic jews who didn't give a shit about religion. The one guy I knew who did I thought was a real asshole, as bad as any xtian or muslim.

[thesummerqueen]

I don't mean to sound impolite, but what you're describing doesn't make any sense.

I'm a "deconverted" Jew myself, and no way would any of the agnostic or atheist Jews I know say they would die for their religion/culture. We're proud of it, but it's not the deal breaker.

It sounds as if he's having a really hard time reconciling his beliefs or lack thereof with expectations. Is his family orthodox or Hasidim?

[kılıç_mehmet]

Her first post is about his jewish boyfriend.
Wow.

[Erinome]

Her first post is about his jewish boyfriend.
Wow.

How do you know the poster is a man, mehmet? You psychic?

[kılıç_mehmet]

Her first post is about his jewish boyfriend.
Wow.

How do you know the poster is a man, mehmet? You psychic?

I did not claim that.
Just wondered.

[Rokcet Scientist]

Okay so I am currently in a serious relationship with a Jewish person and I am growing increasingly concerned with the hypocrisy he continues to throw at me. I mean, he claims he doesn't know if he believes in god, however, he claims he would die for his religion. He constantly makes me feel as though I am not fulfilling him as he originally claimed he wanted a Jewish wife and family. (My ancestry is Christian though I couldn't care less) I originally was okay with the idea, however, as we continue to get closer to the next step in our relationship, I really feel that it would be unfair to raise my children in a Jewish household raising them under a philosophy that I don't believe in myself, especially when it comes to the fact that he doesn't either (I think he simply wants to because he feels its part of his heritage; though I still don't think that's an excuse).

Anyways, the reason I am bringing this up is because an incident the other day. I am very passionate about architecture and especially religious architecture, I wanted to visit a cathedral in our town simply for its aesthetic beauty and it struck me that he was acting uncomfortable to enter the church and told me he wasn't supposed to enter as a Jew and I would not be allowed to either if I converted. I laughed at him and told him to get his ass in. Later we were walking around a Pier One when I saw a cross that looked pretty (purely decorative value) and he said he would not allow any crosses in our home. It really irked me. Whenever he says stuff like that it just makes me dislike religion even more and it makes him look so ignorant in my opinion.

Anyways, I just wanted to know if anyone else has been through a similar situation. If so, what did you end up doing to solve the issue? Thanks!!!

Those sound like very fundamental differences of opinion, nyc. And getting more fundamental still, by your description of it all. TBH I think they are irreconcilable in one household. Imo, something has to give here. It's pretty clear that he expects his wife to behave like a good, orthodox Jewish wife (whatever that may be). You need to ask yourself if you're prepared to do that for him. If you're prepared to live a life you don't believe in. If you're prepared to live a lie.

Good luck!

[Oldandeasilyconfused]

he claims he would die for his religion.

Shoot him in the leg then see how he feels the same. If he does, shoot him in the head.(how dare he have such passionate convictions).

Seriously: If you love him,it's up to you to accept him as he is,warts and all. If you are unable to do that,I suggest you leave he the relationship; it's already fucked.

[Shell B]

Interesting. Sounds like a confused drama queen to me. Run before it leaks over onto everything else.

[Creed of Heresy]

...WELL, YOU'RE BONED. XD

I know. That's completely unhelpful. I have no experience in these matters. Really, I'm only posting because everyone else is doing it and I just wanna be popular.

...Ok, seriously, though, if you want some help...I might suggest sitting him down and demanding you two talk this out. The more you two avoid it, the worse this is going to get. If he will not reconcile the differences [and it IS on him, given his attitude], then you have a different problem on your hands...one you should've probably considered tackling BEFORE you married him.

#1 problem with marriages today; everyone jumps into them with problems left unfinished because they think they can handle them later. Some shit can't be hammered out later. Like religion and life philosophies. Sorry to say but if he won't reconcile, you have one hell of a massive fucking problem on your hands and no advice anyone here or anywhere else can give you will fix it or make it easier to tackle.