My 'born again' story. Theological explanation?

[FallentoReason]

I'm not sure why I've decided to share this or what I want to get out of sharing this. Over the past day or so I've just been over thinking this whole business of religion and where I've decided to head from now on. It just hit me again that I'm not a theist anymore.. and it still feels strange at times.

Anyways, this is my story of when I considered myself reborn. Except there's a twist at the end and I wanted to see if there was a theological explanation for this. Here we go:

This girl at church. She was the first girl I ever liked because she inspired me to want to grow closer to God. I saw her as the perfect person to spend the rest of my life with because as I grew closer and closer to her I knew I would grow closer and closer to God. The only problem there was though was that I was still somewhat shaky on a few things concerning the Bible. I knew I needed to set things straight with God even before I could consider getting into a relationship, as I needed a strong foundation so that our relationship could be guided by God.

The missions trip we were going on was coming up soon. My prayer for that trip was for me to experience something absolutely life changing. Not something temporary like 'oh look at these poor people' type thing that fades away after some time, but something that would change me forever. I was praying that I could have an encounter with God and be reborn again. Not only that, but I told God I was putting Him before this girl I liked i.e. I was willing to sacrifice my desires for His desires.

We got to Thailand and the first thing I notice when we got out of the airport was a very familiar atmosphere about the whole place. It was the tropical equivalent of my birth country, Chile, but somewhat worse off. I had seen it all before! I was thinking to myself 'how am I meant to have a life changing experience if there's nothing that will break my heart'?

Long story short, on the 3rd night I was discussing some Bible with my room-mate. I forgot what verses exactly, but we were talking about the nature of God but more specifically some things I didn't quite understand. The more we talked about it, the more I understood His love. There came a point where I couldn't hold it any longer and I started weeping. I couldn't stop weeping for the next 30 minutes.. I was overwhelmed by His love. This is the encounter I had prayed for.

The next few days of the trip I realised I started to grow closer to the girl I liked. I saw this as a sign from God that I was going to get rewarded for focusing on Him instead of a girl. She would be somewhat flirty at times with me which was very unusual of her, because she gets quite some attention at church so she is quite distant from guys most of the time. I knew my prayers were getting answered and this only boosted my faith. It seemed like I was going to marry 'the one' for me after all.

The last two days of the trip we spent in Phuket as a way to wind down after all we experienced. We had a great time doing typical tourist stuff. I was thinking about all that had happened to me spiritually during the trip. I decided I should have a talk to her about what's been happening and what I thought God had planned for me.. and her. So that night we were all hanging out on top of the hotel looking over the city. It was getting late and people were heading to their rooms one by one. I told myself that if her and myself were the last ones left then I would share with her what God was doing in my life. My heart started racing once the last person left and we were alone.

I told her exactly how things happened and the reason why my prayer of being reborn was answered. This was it, God was going to unite us after all the waiting I had been doing. So I asked her in the end what she thought. She smiled, and said 'That's really awesome. But my time hasn't come yet. I'm only 19. Don't worry though, she's out there.'

God indeed works in mysterious ways. Or like all things that go wrong, should I blame myself instead of Him?

[Loading Please Wait]

God won't help you find a girl.
There are plenty of girls out there. Don't ever take a girl flirting with you as signs she likes you.
She's just fucking with your heart.

The way to tell if a girl likes you is if she outright tells you, "Hey, I like you. Let's go on a date."

If she's friendly, and flirts with you a little, get the fuck out, she's playing you.. If she really liked you and wanted to start a relationship with you, she would outright tell you.

[Drich]

Let me see if I can summarize. You asked God to help you have a life changing "real experience." However you thought it had to be framed in the misery of others in such a way as to make you want to help them out of their situation, and as a reward you wanted a relationship with a specific girl in exchange. Then because you had a moment where you began to understand His love, you saw it as a sign that you will have your wishes granted??

What if having your heart broke by this girl was apart of your original prayer request? In that you wanted a real experience or a real relationship with God. What if you need to learn that God does not work like you think He should. What if you seeking God with a broken heart and with a despondency to your personal stereotype of God, is what it takes to lay the right foundation needed to answer your first prayer? Are you really willing to sacrifice your feelings for this girl for what you really asked for?
or
are you simply trying to fool God into giving you what you really want, and if you do not get it you pout and refuse to believe in Him?? That you "fall to reason." That if thier is a God He will grant you your wish because of "How Faithful" you were to Him on your mission trip?

Bottom line question do you really love God more than the girl you followed to God? Or are you using God to get what you want?

[Xyster]

Cant blame somthing that isnt there......... YOU got yourself all worked up over this deity and this girl, when you want somthing sooo bad you WILL see stuff and misinterpet it to what its not. Hell this supposed god cant even bring himself to feed the starving masses or keep dehibilitating disese from innocent children, like he is gonna give a fuck about a relationship......

[Aegrus]

Let me see if I can summarize. You asked God to help you have a life changing "real experience." However you thought it had to be framed in the misery of others in such a way as to make you want to help them out of their situation, and as a reward you wanted a relationship with a specific girl in exchange. Then because you had a moment where you began to understand His love, you saw it as a sign that you will have your wishes granted??

What if having your heart broke by this girl was apart of your original prayer request? In that you wanted a real experience or a real relationship with God. What if you need to learn that God does not work like you think He should. What if you seeking God with a broken heart and with a despondency to your personal stereotype of God, is what it takes to lay the right foundation needed to answer your first prayer? Are you really willing to sacrifice your feelings for this girl for what you really asked for?
or
are you simply trying to fool God into giving you what you really want, and if you do not get it you pout and refuse to believe in Him?? That you "fall to reason." That if thier is a God He will grant you your wish because of "How Faithful" you were to Him on your mission trip?

Bottom line question do you really love God more than the girl you followed to God? Or are you using God to get what you want?

What if you're just grasping at straws, and will always be able to find some explanation for a failed prayer because you're just that convoluted, and prayer is just incredibly vague?

---

You can't base your life on "what if". The prayer didn't work. Even when I was Christian, none of my prayers were answered. Providing possible reasons for why god didn't answer a prayer should never be evidence for god. I find it shocking that, for many people, it is.

[Godscreated]

@FallentoReason, I do not see how you can blame God. I do see you can kick yourself in the butt for reading more into the situation than was there. It's one of those life things that happen, believe me I know, I at one time wanted to play "Let's Make a Deal" with God over a girl. Now that I've grown wiser with years, I can look back and see that God is not necessarily in the deal making business. Why, because He is omniscient, knowing all, so He does not need to be second guessed by mere mortals.

[Drich]

What if you're just grasping at straws, and will always be able to find some explanation for a failed prayer because you're just that convoluted, and prayer is just incredibly vague?

---

You can't base your life on "what if". The prayer didn't work. Even when I was Christian, none of my prayers were answered.

The "prayer" did not work because you nor the OP understand the basic premise of biblically based prayer. Prayer is not some sort of formal christian wishing ceremony where you exchange obedience for granted wishes. Biblical prayer is a form of communication/worship that helps change the prayer giver's life will and outlook to match that of God. Not the otherway around. "Thy will be done," Not My Will be done.

Providing possible reasons for why god didn't answer a prayer should never be evidence for god. I find it shocking that, for many people, it is.

I find it shocking that you would misrepresent my argument to this degree, just to make an opportunity for yourself to insert a blantent straw man argument.

[genkaus]

@FallentoReason, I do not see how you can blame God. I do see you can kick yourself in the butt for reading more into the situation than was there. It's one of those life things that happen, believe me I know, I at one time wanted to play "Let's Make a Deal" with God over a girl. Now that I've grown wiser with years, I can look back and see that God is not necessarily in the deal making business. Why, because He is omniscient, knowing all, so He does not need to be second guessed by mere mortals.

Apparently the devil is. That's why I like him better. A rational person you can actually deal with.

[KichigaiNeko]

[Ryft]

You asked for a theological explanation, so here is my theological analysis of your experience. Take it or leave it, remembering that you requested it.

What you described is someone who had practically no interest in or desire for God except as an attachment to what was otherwise an almost entirely self-centered pursuit—of a personal religious experience narrowly defined by you on the one hand, instead of being defined by God, and the personal satisfaction of getting the girl on the other, instead of getting God, a girl who was likewise described in self-centered terms of what she did for you. Are you aware of that? Go and re-read your original post and notice how much of it was about you and your desires and how little of it was about God and his—that is, beyond the lip service you paid him with religious platitudes that you were evidently not committed to. (Although he did break through in at least two instances in your experience, which you seem to have missed.) And even your talk about the girl, as I said, was framed in terms of how she made you feel and what she did for you. I am not here to say that there is something wrong with that (whether or not there is), but simply to point out the observation. Go and read it again, stepping outside of your own shoes.

You suggested that by growing closer to her you knew that you would grow closer to God. Again, she was the reason you would grow closer to God. In other words, you were predicating your relationship with God on your relationship with her and what she did for you ("she inspired me"), rather than predicating your relationship with God on him and what he did for you ("God inspired me"). It was about your desires and relationship with the girl, rather than about God's desires and relationship with you, apart from the girl. It is little wonder that God did not honor your hope of getting the girl, testing the integrity of your word that it was about him and his desires, that the girl and your desires take a backseat to God and what he desires. And that test exposed your word.

Moreover, you do not "set things straight with God" by pursuing a personal religious experience narrowly defined by you, nor is that "a strong foundation" for a marriage to be guided by God. There is only one way to set things straight with God, and that is in Jesus Christ through whom alone we can approach God, and only one way for one's life and marriage to be guided by God, and that is by the Spirit of his holy word. A personal religious experience on a missions trip to Thailand, the parameters of which you set instead of seeking after the parameters God has set, is not how a strong foundation is laid for one's life or marriage guided by God, nor is it how one is born again. You looked to the girl, to Thailand, to yourself (your will and your experiences), everywhere but to God and his will and his word. And this you caught some light of, although it seems to have ultimately escaped you.

"I was praying that I could have an encounter with God and be born again," you said. And you went to Thailand to find that. But what did you find there? Nothing terribly remarkable. You could not help but notice how "very familiar" the atmosphere of the place was; "It was the tropical equivalent of my birth country, Chile, but somewhat worse off. I had seen it all before! I was thinking to myself, ‘How am I meant to have a life-changing experience if there is nothing that will break my heart?’." It seemed as though God was unwilling to answer your prayer about being born again through a personal religious experience narrowly defined by you, which makes sense if what we pray for should be according to his will (1 John 5:14-15). And as if to underscore this, what happened next? You were studying the Bible and discussing the nature of God with your roommate, by which you began to understand his love more clearly and became deeply overwhelmed by a personal religious experience. "This is the encounter I had prayed for," you exclaimed. And that certainly follows, for what is the parameters for being born again that God has set? "By his sovereign plan he gave us birth through the message of truth" (James 1:18). "You have been born anew, not from perishable but from imperishable seed, through the living and enduring word of God" (1 Peter 1:23).

Finally, you said that you had told God you were prioritizing him over this girl, that you were willing to sacrifice your desires for his. Then you said that this girl eventually and graciously turned you down because she was not prepared for marital courtship, which you attributed to God working in mysterious ways. But then you also equated it with "things that go wrong." How does that work? You told God you were prioritizing him over this girl, that you were willing to sacrifice your desires for his. It seems to me God took you up on that and held you to it. Is that not things going right? It would seem that God did reward you for focusing on him instead of a girl, by granting you the personal religious experience you were seeking when you drank from his word. But was that truly the reward you were seeking? Or was it the girl you sought as a reward? At the end of the day, you did not sacrifice your desires for his. It was a religious platitude which you were not committed to, for your desires took priority. Your word was tested and exposed, for when you did not get what you wanted, you left God behind.