how do you forgive yourself?

[spelbynder]

Its interesting to wonder whether or not the grief we assign a positive and altruistic value judgement towards is actually a front for self interest, isn't it?

I don't understand. If I were only worried about myself, I would never have shed a tear once she was gone. I'd have been "off the hook," so to speak. No one to answer to. No consequences.
Maybe you could clarify?

[The Grand Nudger]

You have no interest in improving those areas of yourself that you found lacking? That would be plenty of motivation to continue digging up the specter of this female twice a year, wouldn't it? Perhaps you beat yourself up over it out of a desire to alter some part of yourself as much or more than you beat yourself up over anything you did to her. I only suggest this as an alternative to the fluffy appraisal of the situation which you presented which would seem to me to be a good reason to keep beating yourself up over it, it's the "right" thing to do. But if it might have a component of self interest or selfishness, well, the landscape changes and you might be tempted to give it a kick.

[spelbynder]

Oh, I see what you mean. As I stated in response to a previous post, maybe I keep feeling guilty so I won't forget and slip back into that kind of behavior. Is that what you mean?
What is a "fluffy" appraisal? Do you mean when I said I owe her feeling bad twice a year? Even though I think I see your point, nothing about this situation feels "fluffy" to me. It feels like iron weights.
It does sort of change my perspective to think about the situation in terms of what I might be "getting out of it," like a twice-yearly reminder not to act like an asshole. I hope I can think about it from this angle in October.

[Angrboda]

[spelbynder]

Thank you, apophenia. I'm going to do this. I used to work a lot of things out by journaling--I wonder why I stopped?

[Polaris]

Alcohol helps.

[spelbynder]

Alcohol helps.

Unfortunately, I can't stand alcohol. Can I use pot? And will I still be forgiven after it wears off?

[Godscreated]

Alcohol helps.

Unfortunately, I can't stand alcohol. Can I use pot? And will I still be forgiven after it wears off?

You know that after it wears off the same problem will be there, it will not have changed and actually grown worse because you do not deal with it. I know how you can find the relief you're looking for, I found it in my life and now do not have to look back.

[downbeatplumb]

You know that after it wears off the same problem will be there, it will not have changed and actually grown worse because you do not deal with it. I know how you can find the relief you're looking for, I found it in my life and now do not have to look back.

Now what could you be thinking of?


Oh I know.

Snake oil.

[Godscreated]

You know that after it wears off the same problem will be there, it will not have changed and actually grown worse because you do not deal with it. I know how you can find the relief you're looking for, I found it in my life and now do not have to look back.

Now what could you be thinking of?


Oh I know.

Snake oil.

What I offer is real, I've seen it work and keep on working throughout the lives of many people, wasn't trying to hide anything, sorry you thought you had uncovered a mystery, better luck next time.