Crumbling under the stress of it all..

[Erinome]

I have a huge custody trial coming up on Monday. This is going to be one of the most important days of my life. I've put so much time and energy into this, and while I know I have an extremely, overwhelmingly strong case, I am still a bundle of nerves and anxiety. I've had six anxiety attacks in the last 9 hours, so let's just say I've been having anxiety attacks since I woke up this morning. Everything important to me is riding on my shoulders, and there's not a centimeter of room for failure. If it were my own fate that was in the balance, it would be easier to cope, but since it's my child's fate, the stress is devouring me, threatening to consume the last bit of sanity to which I cling.

To make matters worse, my grandmother is really sick. We found out yesterday that her spleen is enlarged, and she has cirrhosis of the liver, caused by diabetes. She's had dementia for a while, which has been extremely difficult for everyone, and it's all making me seriously depressed.

My friend, Gilbert, who was the long time partner of my best friend who died in 2010 is also succumbing to complications caused by AIDS. I've been taking care of him, as I promised these last 2 years, but he's dwindling pretty fast. He's been in the hospital for 2 months now, fighting off a lung infection, and I was told by his doctor this morning that we're looking at less than a week now.

This month was already kinda rough for me to begin with, as my birthday is on the 24th, Cris's birthday was the 26th, and he died on the 30th.

I think I seriously need to be sedated, but I can't. I have to be the glue, and the glue isn't supposed to let things fall apart, by definition. I'm usually pretty good at dealing with stress, but could it be possible that I'm coming unraveled? I've done a pretty great job so far of putting on a brave face, but I'm growing weary of even trying. It's like everyone around me expects me to be more than human.

I don't want anyone's sympathies, just give me some ways that you deal with stress.

[LastPoet]

Suck it up and face the bull head on Alei. It will hurt, but mabe it will pay for all the effort. If you want to sedate yourself, go for heroin, there isn't a big a sedative as that. Or you could face your problems head on. Chose.

In other news, our human life is no candy

[Erinome]

I'm really not an illicit drug type of person. I have been facing the bull head on. Everyone else around me has cracked up completely, and I'm the last one standing. Feels shitty.

[jackman]

u have those big ol titties ... play with them. always works for me. lol.
(sorry, thot perhaps a joke would help in some small way)

[Napoléon]

Just think about who you're doing it all for and don't give up for that reason.

[Erinome]

I needed a laugh for sure! Thanks for that. You can keep them coming if you want, I'm usually the funniest person I know (sad, huh), so I need people to make me laugh sometimes.

I'm doing the court thing for my baby. She's going through complete hell right now, and every second I fear for her safety, and I have genuine reasons to have that fear. I think if I can manage to get that squared away, I'll have overcome half my battle. Luckily, my baby momma/friend and baby daddy are coming to town tomorrow, and they're bringing my son. It makes me feel better that they care so much to drive 600+ miles to come to me when I need them so much. I'm gonna be fine, I think, it's just all this unknown crap. I hate the shit out of it!

[Faith No More]

When life was at its worst for me and I was extremely depressed and stressed, the big thing that kept me going was knowing that everybody expected me to fail and give up. I wanted to make it through if nothing more than to prove everyone's expectations wrong. I think it's our ability to draw motivation from obscure sources like that that gets us through the tough times.

[Annik]

Get yourself some ice cream and a guilty-pleasure movie and try to distract yourself. Or maybe a video game. Or porn. Whatever distracts you the best.

[Erinome]

When life was at its worst for me and I was extremely depressed and stressed, the big thing that kept me going was knowing that everybody expected me to fail and give up. I wanted to make it through if nothing more than to prove everyone's expectations wrong. I think it's our ability to draw motivation from obscure sources like that that gets us through the tough times.

Good idea. My daughter's father is a boil on the ass of humanity, who has skated through life by being a con artist. He's always gotten away with so much, and he thinks he can just lie his way out of all this too. It does give me the fuel I need to knock him down a peg or five. It's time he gets a wake up call. Everyone he comes in contact with him becomes a victim, and I'm the only person who has stood up to him... ever.

I have to say, he intimidates me because I'm terrified of him. I know I'm better than him, I know I'm smarter than him (he's pretty much illiterate), I just hope that the truth can shine through.

Kicking his ass isn't the main source of my inspiration, but if I manage to do it, it will feel absolutely great.

[Jackalope]

Reach out. Ask for help. Talk about it. Pretty much exactly what you're doing.

Ice cream doesn't hurt either.