A Better Religion with a TRUE God.
December 12, 2012 at 4:39 pm
(This post was last modified: December 12, 2012 at 4:44 pm by Cinjin.)
Couldn't leave you good people without the front end of the greatest story every told!!!
Several years ago ancient writings were discovered in a cave outside of some dustbowl not far from some forgotten ruin in a desert that civilized humans moved away from six centuries ago. It is because of this remote location that mankind has had to settle for many false gods over that past few thousand years instead of what I now know is the one true god, Yammerdud. I know this to be true because these writings clearly state that Yammerdud is indeed the one true creator and should be both loved and feared by all men for all time. Obviously, if this was written 3000 years ago, than it must be completely true and historically accurate. There really can be no doubt that the self-proclaimed prophets who wrote these precious words of Yammerdud must be honest, highly educated and intellectual men of great wisdom. Now that I have offered up completely legitimate and undeniable evidence of the true God of this world, I will now translate some of God’s holy word into English.
Gazapapatu 1:1-32
For it was in the beginning that Yammerdud found himself to be without both entertainment and sustenance. Twas the first day of creation when Yammerdud said, let there be pies; delicious fruit pies. On the second day, Yammerdud created fruit and saw that it was delicious. And Yammerdud saw that he was floating around in the dark and did not have a place to enjoy his delicious pies and therefore created the world and set it on a pillar held up by four elephants walking in a circle.
On the fourth day, Yammerdud created animals.
On the fifth day, he took a nap and woke up five billion years later, but He saw no point in counting all those days and decided that everyone will only count the days he was awake. On the “sixth day,” as Yammerdud looked about to create his next awesome flavor of pie, he noticed a few people walking around naked near a large body of fresh water and he was angry. Natural biological evolution had created something more intelligent than the animals he had created and he realized he had to destroy it.
(skipping ahead a bit)
Heplerziah 2:10-44
And Yammerdud saw that the humans were having great pleasure during mutual physical relationships and demanded them to stop. But many would not and those that would not stop he made into homosexuals. But alas, to Yammerdud’s great dismay, the homosexuals continued to enjoy healthy sexual relationships and He knew that they must pay a price for their disobedience.
And on the “eleventh day” Yammerdud created the sun and some grass.
It was about this time that a plan was devised to teach the humans a lesson. Yammerdud found it fitting to require that all humans were now to pick fruit for his pies, which of course were the very reason he created all of the universe in the first place. He decreed that only the best fruit can be picked under penalty of certain death.
Alas, some sinner picked a mango that had a small worm burrowing through it and cursed all of mankind for the rest of eternity.
And Yammerdud saw that it was good and created a place of eternal damnation. A place called, Smell.
For it is in Smell that the wicked humans will have to walk around in baby feces and dog droppings, enduring the stench for all of time. “And no pies shall be eaten in Smell,” quoth the high Lord.
Now you know the front end of this story as well as the end. If you'd like to know more about our Lord God Father and Dictator, Yammerdud and his son, Dingdong. I will continue to translate the amazing words of the ancients.
Several years ago ancient writings were discovered in a cave outside of some dustbowl not far from some forgotten ruin in a desert that civilized humans moved away from six centuries ago. It is because of this remote location that mankind has had to settle for many false gods over that past few thousand years instead of what I now know is the one true god, Yammerdud. I know this to be true because these writings clearly state that Yammerdud is indeed the one true creator and should be both loved and feared by all men for all time. Obviously, if this was written 3000 years ago, than it must be completely true and historically accurate. There really can be no doubt that the self-proclaimed prophets who wrote these precious words of Yammerdud must be honest, highly educated and intellectual men of great wisdom. Now that I have offered up completely legitimate and undeniable evidence of the true God of this world, I will now translate some of God’s holy word into English.
Gazapapatu 1:1-32
For it was in the beginning that Yammerdud found himself to be without both entertainment and sustenance. Twas the first day of creation when Yammerdud said, let there be pies; delicious fruit pies. On the second day, Yammerdud created fruit and saw that it was delicious. And Yammerdud saw that he was floating around in the dark and did not have a place to enjoy his delicious pies and therefore created the world and set it on a pillar held up by four elephants walking in a circle.
On the fourth day, Yammerdud created animals.
On the fifth day, he took a nap and woke up five billion years later, but He saw no point in counting all those days and decided that everyone will only count the days he was awake. On the “sixth day,” as Yammerdud looked about to create his next awesome flavor of pie, he noticed a few people walking around naked near a large body of fresh water and he was angry. Natural biological evolution had created something more intelligent than the animals he had created and he realized he had to destroy it.
(skipping ahead a bit)
Heplerziah 2:10-44
And Yammerdud saw that the humans were having great pleasure during mutual physical relationships and demanded them to stop. But many would not and those that would not stop he made into homosexuals. But alas, to Yammerdud’s great dismay, the homosexuals continued to enjoy healthy sexual relationships and He knew that they must pay a price for their disobedience.
And on the “eleventh day” Yammerdud created the sun and some grass.
It was about this time that a plan was devised to teach the humans a lesson. Yammerdud found it fitting to require that all humans were now to pick fruit for his pies, which of course were the very reason he created all of the universe in the first place. He decreed that only the best fruit can be picked under penalty of certain death.
Alas, some sinner picked a mango that had a small worm burrowing through it and cursed all of mankind for the rest of eternity.
And Yammerdud saw that it was good and created a place of eternal damnation. A place called, Smell.
For it is in Smell that the wicked humans will have to walk around in baby feces and dog droppings, enduring the stench for all of time. “And no pies shall be eaten in Smell,” quoth the high Lord.
Now you know the front end of this story as well as the end. If you'd like to know more about our Lord God Father and Dictator, Yammerdud and his son, Dingdong. I will continue to translate the amazing words of the ancients.
![[Image: Evolution.png]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=i1118.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fk619%2Fjcincain%2FPublic%2FEvolution.png)
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