Touching Christmas Tale

[YahwehIsTheWay]

...and what it says about The Lord's priorities.

When Jesus was born in Bethlehem, three wise men came from the East to Jerusalem. They'd been following a star, which only proves the Christian worldview that the sky is a great dome and the stars little lights in them, for if the atheist view were correct, they should have only gone in circles. That they made it to Jerusalem proves the Bible true. Checkmate atheists! But I digress...

Herod heard of this child to be born and was troubled and thought to trick the wise men into revealing where he might find this Jesus so he could kill him before he leads the slaves out of Egypt and into the promised land. Or am I confusing that with another story?

Matthew 2:1-3 Now when Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judaea in the days of Herod the king, behold, there came wise men from the east to Jerusalem, Saying, Where is he that is born King of the Jews? for we have seen his star in the east, and are come to worship him. When Herod the king had heard these things, he was troubled, and all Jerusalem with him.

Now how Herod was going to kill a newborn incarnation of a god was a tricky matter. Usually, you have to go on a quest to the ends of the earth to retrieve the legendary Sword of Maguffin from the lair of the Foosil and something about four elements and a ritual performed during a noon eclipse... but apparently just sending your guards out to kill the god-child would do the job in this case.

And since God was a baby, there are some theological problems to work out here. Did Mary and Joseph fight over who's turn it was to feed God in the middle of the night when God started crying again? Did Mary have to change God's diapers or did God have a short period of potty training? I'm going to have to pray on that. But I digress again...

Matt 2:8 And he sent them to Bethlehem, and said, Go and search diligently for the young child; and when ye have found him, bring me word again, that I may come and worship him also.

But the wise men are warned not to return to Herod, that Herod was going to kill baby Jesus. An angel also warned Mary and Joseph to get out of town, that their baby would be targeted by Herod.

Matt 2:12-14 And being warned of God in a dream that they should not return to Herod, they departed into their own country another way.
And when they were departed, behold, the angel of the Lord appeareth to Joseph in a dream, saying, Arise, and take the young child and his mother, and flee into Egypt, and be thou there until I bring thee word: for Herod will seek the young child to destroy him.
When he arose, he took the young child and his mother by night, and departed into Egypt:

And sure enough, the angels were right as Herod performed an atrocity that no historian recorded, just showing you how flawed science and history are to miss something so obvious.

Matt 2:16 Then Herod, when he saw that he was mocked of the wise men, was exceeding wroth, and sent forth, and slew all the children that were in Bethlehem, and in all the coasts thereof, from two years old and under, according to the time which he had diligently enquired of the wise men.

But Herod got his in the end. An angel was sent by the Lord to take him out for failing to kiss His holy ass sufficiently.

Acts 12:20-23 And Herod was highly displeased with them of Tyre and Sidon: but they came with one accord to him, and, having made Blastus the king's chamberlain their friend, desired peace; because their country was nourished by the king's country.
And upon a set day Herod, arrayed in royal apparel, sat upon his throne, and made an oration unto them.
And the people gave a shout, saying, It is the voice of a god, and not of a man.
And immediately the angel of the Lord smote him, because he gave not God the glory: and he was eaten of worms, and gave up the ghost.

So we learn by this story where Yahweh's priorities lie:

When Herod was going to slaughter all the male babies around Bethlehem, all Yahweh did was get his favorite one out of harm's way.

When Herod didn't kiss His holy ass sufficiently, Yahweh gave the order to take him out.

So everyone get on your knees and thank the Lord for not killing us this day and flinging our shrieking souls into the pits of the sadistic Hell that He created!

Praise the Sweet Name of Jesus!

[Minimalist]

That they made it to Jerusalem proves the Bible true.

Actually, I would have thought that fucking "wise men" would have been able to find Jerusalem without a fucking star to guide them. I mean, it was on the maps and even if they didn't have a map they could have asked any asshole for directions.

Why, yhwh, would you over-engineer something like that?


Perhaps we should start calling them "The Three Dumbfucks?"

[Lion IRC]

Of course Babylonian astronomers knew where Jerusalem was.

But the star wasnt telling them the location of Jerusalem

They would ALSO have known about Jewish Messianic prophecy.
...and the constellations of the zodiac.

Take a look at the night sky over Palestine in 3 - 2 BC.

Now what do you suppose astronomer mystics living during the Roman Empire would make of a ''halo'' conjunction being formed by the triple loop retrograde motion of Jupiter, the largest planet, named after the highest god in the Roman pantheon, around Venus (mother/woman) set against the backdrop of two zodiac constellations - one symbolized by a lion and the other signifying a virgin?

[YahwehIsTheWay]

That they made it to Jerusalem proves the Bible true.

Actually, I would have thought that fucking "wise men" would have been able to find Jerusalem without a fucking star to guide them. I mean, it was on the maps and even if they didn't have a map they could have asked any asshole for directions.

Why, yhwh, would you over-engineer something like that?


Perhaps we should start calling them "The Three Dumbfucks?"

NUH-UHHHH! They were called "wise MEN". So, of course they forgot their maps and refused to stop and ask for directions. They're men. Hence the need for a big fucking arrow pointing from the sky to guide them where they needed to go.

I also hear they stopped at the wrong house and glorified some baby named "Brian" by mistake but that's a story for another time.

---

Take a look at the night sky over Palestine in 3 - 2 BC.

Herod the Great died in March of 4 BC. 5 BC would have been his last December. 3-2 BC would have been too late for him.

And before you heathen trash try to look all smart and say, "What about the census under Quirinius who didn't start his administration of Syria until 6 AD?" you have to remember that was the Gospel of Luke, not Matthew. That both Gospels can be the Truth is one of the great miracles of the Lord.

PRAISE!

[Minimalist]

I also hear they stopped at the wrong house and glorified some baby named "Brian" by mistake but that's a story for another time.

"Go easy on the myrhh next time."

Now what do you suppose astronomer mystics living during the Roman Empire would make of a ''halo'' conjunction being formed by the triple loop retrograde motion of Jupiter, the largest planet, named after the highest god in the Roman pantheon, around Venus (mother/woman) set against the backdrop of two zodiac constellations - one symbolized by a lion and the other signifying a virgin?

I imagine the ignorant would have shit their pants....however, it has nothing to do with your fairy tales no matter how hard you try to shoehorn this bullshit into actual history.

[TarShoduze]

Well, I think a star would be horribly inaccurate if relied on directions. We do not stride perfectly, thus not really walking in a STRAIGHT direction--a bit to the left or right depending on handedness (for the record, I'm a leftie ) Secondly, stars aren't fixed (except for one). Third, how do they know when they are THERE? When that star is on top of their head? So unless that story is yet again JUST a story, or that it wasn't a star (UFO?), it is KINDA hard to achieve in real life, even if they were effin' wise men. No offence

[Undeceived]

Nowadays, much of scholarship considers Herod's death to have been in 1 BC. When he ceased being "Caesar's Friend" he lost his status. In the record books his rule ended, while he did not die until three years later. The 1 BC lunar eclipse also was more complete and allows time for all the events between it and Passover.
http://www.hope-of-israel.org/herodsdeath.html

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Well, I think a star would be horribly inaccurate if relied on directions. We do not stride perfectly, thus not really walking in a STRAIGHT direction--a bit to the left or right depending on handedness (for the record, I'm a leftie ) Secondly, stars aren't fixed (except for one). Third, how do they know when they are THERE? When that star is on top of their head?

The "crowning" of Regulus (royalty) by Jupiter (royalty), converging with Leo (lion) told the wise men a king had been born to the tribe of Judah (represented by a lion). As you'd expect, the wise men went first to Herod's palace in Jerusalem seeking the king. Matthew 2:

After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem and asked, “Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him.”

Herod himself directs them to Bethlehem:

When he had called together all the people’s chief priests and teachers of the law, he asked them where the Messiah was to be born. “In Bethlehem in Judea,” they replied, “for this is what the prophet has written:

“‘But you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah,
are by no means least among the rulers of Judah;
for out of you will come a ruler
who will shepherd my people Israel.’”

Then Herod called the Magi secretly and found out from them the exact time the star had appeared. He sent them to Bethlehem and said, “Go and search carefully for the child. As soon as you find him, report to me, so that I too may go and worship him.”

Hope that clears it up for you.

[DeistPaladin]

Nowadays, much of scholarship considers Herod's death to have been in 1 BC.

Nobody told the folks at Oxford University. New Oxford Annotated Bible, NT, p10 claims Herod the Great died in 4 BCE. But hey, Oxford! What do they know, right? I'm sure you have more reputable scholars who can set them straight.

Some apologetic website is a much better place to get information on scholarly concensus than a work published by Oxford University Press.

[Undeceived]

Nowadays, much of scholarship considers Herod's death to have been in 1 BC.

Nobody told the folks at Oxford University. New Oxford Annotated Bible, NT, p10 claims Herod the Great died in 4 BCE. But hey, Oxford! What do they know, right? I'm sure you have more reputable scholars who can set them straight.

Some apologetic website is a much better place to get information on scholarly concensus than a work published by Oxford University Press.

Why argue from authority? Examine the evidence yourself.

[DeistPaladin]

Why argue from authority? Examine the evidence yourself.

Dude, you're the one who claimed "much of scholarship considers...". YOU, not I, are the one who invoked authority.

If you want to make positive declarations about scholarly consensus, do your own damn research and be ready to back up your claims with solid evidence, not a link to an apologetic website.

And when you're done, hop a plane to talk to the theologians and historians at Oxford University to explain to them how they got it all wrong. Good luck.